Blogging While At Work

Currently on hold with Ocwen bank. This should take a while. Ocwen has horrible wait times. Anyway, nothing else better to do, so I'll write.

I've decided to work for 10 hours everyday this week. That's an extra $150 added to my paycheck! ^_^ And what could I do with $550 dollars? EVERYTHING! :-D But I have a few things to do with my money. So minus taxes, I would get around $480 and change. $200 to my grandparents. Leaving me with $280. $50 to bank. That's $230. Minus $27 for my Metro. $203. For me! I gotta buy a present for my cousin and mail that to her. So...$140? Yea. And THEN. I'm trying to get up the courage to ask Alan if he wants to "do something sometime". Haha. So far, no dough. But I'm trying. And there goes my paycheck. See? Money sucks. From $550 ALL the way down to NOTHING. It's bullshit. But I'm gonna tell my grandparents. Next week, I'm doing this. 10 hours everyday. And I am NOT giving them $100. I want my money. All of it. Next weeks pay. $550 minus taxes...$480. $50 for bank. (I owe a deficit of $398.32. I set up a payment plan.) $27 for Metro. Do the math. $480 minus $50 is $430. That minus $27. $403. ^_^ Can someone say SHOPPING!! So I've got shit under control. I just gotta work my ASS of for it.

So yea, another ALAN paragraph. As if you didn't already expect it. Haha. So yea. I keep blogging about him and whatnot. I probably shouldn't be. Because it makes me look like a freak. But wouldn't YOU want to just tell the world how awesome someone was? Just scream, "I have the most AMAZING boy in my life!" regardless of whether or not they are with you? Besides, writing about him keeps me out of trouble, even though I LOVE trouble. I also want to be more straight forward, like Liza is. With Liza, you KNOW when she does or doesn't like you. She will TELL you and she will speak her mind. I LOVE THAT. So I wanna be more like her. So now, I WILL be a little bit more straight forward, but I won't go too rough. Like yesterday. I was talking to him. And "Gay Mike" came up. Now, as far as he knows, me and Alan are together. Usually I wouldn't care, but the thought came to mind. So, wanting to be more straight forward, I spoke my thought. I said, "I love how we can 'pretend' this stuff, yet it will never happen for reals." All he had to say was, "Uh huh.". And I left it there. I'm gonna make it known. I'm not gonna hide my feelings for him so much, anymore. I AM gonna be subtle, but I'm just gonna be sure it is known.

Okay. So last night, we hung out. At like...12 am. I had a great time, actually. I guess you can say we had a "heart-to-heart". He told me about him, I told him about me. It was nice. We walked around like 3 blocks. I killed a bee. And of course, being me, I felt a connection between us. But I always do. This time, it was...stronger. Like, I felt it FULL FORCE. And I KNOW he had to have felt it, too. He had to have felt it. Because he was acting differently. Not like himself. But oh well, let's see where it goes. It may go somewhere, it may not. Only time will tell. But I don't think anybody actually KNOWS what I feel. People say, "I've been there." but they haven't. I find myself thinking about the kid a LOT. He holds a special part of my heart. He stole it. Haha. But I really do care about him. He's just perfect to me. Flaws and all. Screw him for being so awesome. Screw him with a plunger stick. But oh well. I digress. I guess I kinda don't want to get over him, because honestly, I'll NEVER find someone as awesome as he is. No one out there is like him. I've met people like Liza before. I've met people like Christine and Sheets before. I've never met someone like Alan. Never. I'm beginning to think he was place here purposely in my life path. I mean, LOOK at it! 2 years ago in Italian class, all I did was simply ask, "Dude do you have the homework?" That's it. And everyday since then, he would say "Hi.". I'd say "What's up, Alan?" Give him a pound and get on with life. He'd say "Bye Joey." after class. I'd say "Later dude." Half the time, I didn't even know his NAME. Yet for SOME REASON, he continued to say hi and bye to me, until the semester ended. THEN I find this kid in my CLOVER CLASS? Same class. Same period. That's it. I didn't think anything of it back then. But now. After EVERYTHING that happened. Truth or Dare, Tommy, our escapades in the balcony, Him and Rori, and our best friendship. ALL FROM JUST ASKING FOR THE HOMEWORK. It has to be fate. Has to be. Because I've said hi and bye to HUNDREDS of people. Why HIM? And what's even MORE baffling is the fact that me and him have literally EVERY SINGLE THING in COMMON? I just so happen to ask the person who shares everything in common for the homework? Out of all the people in the class? It's really eye-opening. If that shit isn't fate, explain what the HELL it is, then. So, I don't know.

Now, even THOUGH everything points to one thing. I must say this. Alan is the BEST friend I've ever had. And even though I love him, our friendship will ALWAYS come first. Over anything. So this is one reason why, even though I'll be more straight forward, I'm not gonna badger him. I want his friendship MORE than I want a relationship with him. I love him with all my heart, but I love him like my best friend, too. So, I'm keeping my friendship with him now. If he so happens to want to date me, then okay. But 'till then, he's my best friend. Of course I'll throw him an occasional curve ball, but all in all , I'm still gonna be his friend first. He's WAAY too important to me to lose because I wanted to dig deeper into our friendship. I'll do that WHILE maintaining our friendship. Seems easy enough. I just want to eliminate his whole shpiel of how "I have too much to do. College, home life, blah blah blah." or "I'm not datable.". He says that he'd be clingy, and going by what me and Christine were like, I wouldn't like it. He's forgetting that we at least TRIED it between us. We had a stable friendship. The only reason why we broke up was because things got totally different between us. And he'll probably say, "Well, things will become different between us." Well he doesn't know that unless he tries. But oh well. I can type 'till my fingers fall off about the matter. He'll never see this blog, anyway. So whatever. Haha. Anyway, yea. That's really all on this topic.

Moving news. I'm moving. 2 times. Moving from my house and from my current office. My uncle is out looking for office space as I type this. And my grandparents are looking around for an apartment. Hopefully around where we are now! Otherwise, I get the feeling we'd have to move far...And THAT won't work out at ALL. Liza will hate me. Alan will be crushed(He's told me so.) So yea, I pray to GOD we find a place close to where I am now. Otherwise, I'd get so upset that I'd have to leave friends behind. NO! Pray for me!

Anyway, Ocwen finally picked up. So I'll post some more later. Whoa...Deja VU!

Kisses for all!

- Joey