Blogging While At Work

Currently on hold with Ocwen bank. This should take a while. Ocwen has horrible wait times. Anyway, nothing else better to do, so I'll write.

I've decided to work for 10 hours everyday this week. That's an extra $150 added to my paycheck! ^_^ And what could I do with $550 dollars? EVERYTHING! :-D But I have a few things to do with my money. So minus taxes, I would get around $480 and change. $200 to my grandparents. Leaving me with $280. $50 to bank. That's $230. Minus $27 for my Metro. $203. For me! I gotta buy a present for my cousin and mail that to her. So...$140? Yea. And THEN. I'm trying to get up the courage to ask Alan if he wants to "do something sometime". Haha. So far, no dough. But I'm trying. And there goes my paycheck. See? Money sucks. From $550 ALL the way down to NOTHING. It's bullshit. But I'm gonna tell my grandparents. Next week, I'm doing this. 10 hours everyday. And I am NOT giving them $100. I want my money. All of it. Next weeks pay. $550 minus taxes...$480. $50 for bank. (I owe a deficit of $398.32. I set up a payment plan.) $27 for Metro. Do the math. $480 minus $50 is $430. That minus $27. $403. ^_^ Can someone say SHOPPING!! So I've got shit under control. I just gotta work my ASS of for it.

So yea, another ALAN paragraph. As if you didn't already expect it. Haha. So yea. I keep blogging about him and whatnot. I probably shouldn't be. Because it makes me look like a freak. But wouldn't YOU want to just tell the world how awesome someone was? Just scream, "I have the most AMAZING boy in my life!" regardless of whether or not they are with you? Besides, writing about him keeps me out of trouble, even though I LOVE trouble. I also want to be more straight forward, like Liza is. With Liza, you KNOW when she does or doesn't like you. She will TELL you and she will speak her mind. I LOVE THAT. So I wanna be more like her. So now, I WILL be a little bit more straight forward, but I won't go too rough. Like yesterday. I was talking to him. And "Gay Mike" came up. Now, as far as he knows, me and Alan are together. Usually I wouldn't care, but the thought came to mind. So, wanting to be more straight forward, I spoke my thought. I said, "I love how we can 'pretend' this stuff, yet it will never happen for reals." All he had to say was, "Uh huh.". And I left it there. I'm gonna make it known. I'm not gonna hide my feelings for him so much, anymore. I AM gonna be subtle, but I'm just gonna be sure it is known.

Okay. So last night, we hung out. At like...12 am. I had a great time, actually. I guess you can say we had a "heart-to-heart". He told me about him, I told him about me. It was nice. We walked around like 3 blocks. I killed a bee. And of course, being me, I felt a connection between us. But I always do. This time, it was...stronger. Like, I felt it FULL FORCE. And I KNOW he had to have felt it, too. He had to have felt it. Because he was acting differently. Not like himself. But oh well, let's see where it goes. It may go somewhere, it may not. Only time will tell. But I don't think anybody actually KNOWS what I feel. People say, "I've been there." but they haven't. I find myself thinking about the kid a LOT. He holds a special part of my heart. He stole it. Haha. But I really do care about him. He's just perfect to me. Flaws and all. Screw him for being so awesome. Screw him with a plunger stick. But oh well. I digress. I guess I kinda don't want to get over him, because honestly, I'll NEVER find someone as awesome as he is. No one out there is like him. I've met people like Liza before. I've met people like Christine and Sheets before. I've never met someone like Alan. Never. I'm beginning to think he was place here purposely in my life path. I mean, LOOK at it! 2 years ago in Italian class, all I did was simply ask, "Dude do you have the homework?" That's it. And everyday since then, he would say "Hi.". I'd say "What's up, Alan?" Give him a pound and get on with life. He'd say "Bye Joey." after class. I'd say "Later dude." Half the time, I didn't even know his NAME. Yet for SOME REASON, he continued to say hi and bye to me, until the semester ended. THEN I find this kid in my CLOVER CLASS? Same class. Same period. That's it. I didn't think anything of it back then. But now. After EVERYTHING that happened. Truth or Dare, Tommy, our escapades in the balcony, Him and Rori, and our best friendship. ALL FROM JUST ASKING FOR THE HOMEWORK. It has to be fate. Has to be. Because I've said hi and bye to HUNDREDS of people. Why HIM? And what's even MORE baffling is the fact that me and him have literally EVERY SINGLE THING in COMMON? I just so happen to ask the person who shares everything in common for the homework? Out of all the people in the class? It's really eye-opening. If that shit isn't fate, explain what the HELL it is, then. So, I don't know.

Now, even THOUGH everything points to one thing. I must say this. Alan is the BEST friend I've ever had. And even though I love him, our friendship will ALWAYS come first. Over anything. So this is one reason why, even though I'll be more straight forward, I'm not gonna badger him. I want his friendship MORE than I want a relationship with him. I love him with all my heart, but I love him like my best friend, too. So, I'm keeping my friendship with him now. If he so happens to want to date me, then okay. But 'till then, he's my best friend. Of course I'll throw him an occasional curve ball, but all in all , I'm still gonna be his friend first. He's WAAY too important to me to lose because I wanted to dig deeper into our friendship. I'll do that WHILE maintaining our friendship. Seems easy enough. I just want to eliminate his whole shpiel of how "I have too much to do. College, home life, blah blah blah." or "I'm not datable.". He says that he'd be clingy, and going by what me and Christine were like, I wouldn't like it. He's forgetting that we at least TRIED it between us. We had a stable friendship. The only reason why we broke up was because things got totally different between us. And he'll probably say, "Well, things will become different between us." Well he doesn't know that unless he tries. But oh well. I can type 'till my fingers fall off about the matter. He'll never see this blog, anyway. So whatever. Haha. Anyway, yea. That's really all on this topic.

Moving news. I'm moving. 2 times. Moving from my house and from my current office. My uncle is out looking for office space as I type this. And my grandparents are looking around for an apartment. Hopefully around where we are now! Otherwise, I get the feeling we'd have to move far...And THAT won't work out at ALL. Liza will hate me. Alan will be crushed(He's told me so.) So yea, I pray to GOD we find a place close to where I am now. Otherwise, I'd get so upset that I'd have to leave friends behind. NO! Pray for me!

Anyway, Ocwen finally picked up. So I'll post some more later. Whoa...Deja VU!

Kisses for all!

- Joey

I've Come To A Realization

Hey all. I'm blogging today because I've finally realized something. Read on.

I'm a fucking jerk. I'm stupid. I really do have "dumbass" tattooed across my forehead. I've been so blinded by love that I didn't even realize what was TRULY going on. Well, today I WAS supposed to chill with Alan today. Note the keyword. WAS!! He told me, "We should make plans. Me and you." I was all like, "Okay!" He said he'd go on AIM early to discuss what we'd do today. But did he? Nope. Of course not. And I know why. Because it's apparent the whole, "Best Friend" bit isn't mutual. It NEVER WAS. It's obvious that I'm just there when it's convenient for him. I've notice a small pattern:

• The ONLY time we ever hang out is when he's going to the supermarket, bakery, or to fill his stupid prepaid credit card. Never to "just hangout".
• Every time we DO hang out, for some reason, it's always when I have money in my pocket. Which just so happens to go into buying him Chinese food or Dunkin' Donuts.
• I buy that fuck everything he asks me for.
• Ever since he dropped Jake (Or when Jake dropped HIM), he all of a sudden got "too lazy" to go on AIM.
• I'm DAMN sure that if Jake were to call him at anytime, he'd drop whatever he's doing JUST to go meet up with him.

Among many other things. But the fuck just logged on. Time for him to realize what he truly is.

Kisses for all!

-Joey

AM Blogging

I have work in the morning and it's 2:30 in the morning. Then again, I don't sleep, so it's just. Anyway, I'm gonna write now!

I'm tired. Who knows if I'll even finish this damned blog. I don't even know what to write about...okay, yes I do.

I hate when people log on just to tell you something, yet it's something you REALLY don't want to hear. For example. Alan logged on. At 2 in the morning. Alan is NEVER on at 2 in the morning. Anyway, so he logs on. I had been talking to Edwin today, as well. He asked me "Have you talked to Alan, because I haven't in like a month." Jake was hanging with Edwin. I assumed it was Jake wondering, not Edwin, as he didn't really talk to Alan as much Jake did. So, Alan logs on and I'm like, "I think Jake misses you." and tell him this. He just proves it wrong and says that it was Edwin wondering. I'm all like, "Oh. Okay. Lol." Then he says, "Joey. I logged on to tell you something." And here I was, thinking, "OH MY GOD. There's only ONE reason why he'd log on at 2 IN THE MORNING just to tell ME something." Butterflies ensue, only to be shut down. He logged on to tell me about a dream he had about Jake. Like, really. Apparently, he just kept popping up in his dream, and something about Alan knowing he was avoiding Jake and blah blah blah. Then after he's done explaining and saying how happy he was that Jake was out of his life, he logs off. Okay, so maybe it's not the best idea to think that he'd log on so late to admit he LIKED me, but the heart is a stupid muscle. I guess I just really wanna date him, that I'll hope that every single thing he has to "tell me" is gonna be something like, "Joey. I like you now." or "Joey. I've been thinking. Maybe we can try us out.". But alas, it never happens. The childhood belief isn't true. When you wish upon a star, dreams won't come true. Grrr. Oh well.

Anyway, I've got nothing more to write. So I guess I'll talk to you guys later.

By the way, am I the only one that notices that MY blog is inconspicuously just discussing my feelings for Alan? Well shit...I need to stop. Or not. Haha. =3

Kisses for all!

- Joey

Posting At Work Is Always Fun (And Wrong.)

Hey All. I'm at work right now. I'm on hold with a bank, so I'm just waiting for them to pick up so I can talk! Until then, I'll write.



Gee. What to write...what to write...



Christine and Sheets now have knowledge that I have this blog. I haven't told them it's location, nor do I plan to. They need to FIND it. Sorry guys, but it's something I have to do. Last time I showed my blog to everyone, things got REALLY out of hand. No thank you. If you stumble upon it, then fine with me. But I refuse to give anyone this blog. Last thing I need is for the wrong people to read this blog.



Scratch that, I told Christine and Sheets about it. I made them swear on different things. This way, I'll have tenure if they tell anyone. =3

Okay. Now. I'm gonna do something that I've always said I would do, but never did. I am going to (try to) list EVERY detail that I like/love about who-know-fucking-who. Here goes.

The List Of WHY I Like/Love You-Know-Fucking Who, and what it is about him that makes me Like /Love Him, In order from Most To Least:

1. Seeing him smile. His smile is just makes me happy. I love it when he smiles. Whenever I see him smile, my day officially brightens up.
2. Hearing him laugh. He's got a laugh where, if he laughs, you just wanna laugh too.
3. He's amazingly handsome. Never met such a handsome boy in my life.
4. He's funny. The kid's got a GREAT sense of humor. You can joke about ANYTHING, and he'll laugh. Always.
5. He's sweet. He wouldn't harm a fly.
6. He's SMART. The kid is fucking genius.
7. He's a SINGER. A wonderful one.
8. He's an ACTOR. A guy who can make himself cry on COMMAND. Well, damn.
9. He's an AWESOME friend. Would NEVER trade him for anything.
10. His style. He dresses like himself, not like what others want him to be, and yet he STILL manages to impress.
11. Has a great taste in video games. Because Resident Evil and Final Fantasy are quite possibly the two best video game series' out there. Hands down.
12. He has great taste in music. Every single song he's shown me, I loved.
13. He can be slow at times. When he is, it's just cute as hell. Haha.
14. Deep down, he adores cute animals. There will be times where he'll send me a YouTube video with a duckling and a basset hound snuggling with each other.
15. He's sentimental. Read above.
16. He wears glasses. Because glasses are hot. Plain and Simple.
17. He likes everyone! He's extremely friendly.
18. He has compassion. One of the VERY few people in this world that possess such a wonderful trait.
19. He loves Dunkin' Donuts. I love Dunkin' Donuts. 'Nuff said.
20. He's a mooch. I love it.

20 different reasons. And I'm probably leaving things out. Once again, though it's known. He's amazing. Look above. That's why. Lol.

Anyway, leaving work soon, so I'll talk to you later.

Kisses for All!

- Joey

Another Blog For Another Day

Hola guys. Just checking back in with you all.

Okay, so. As you may or may not know, I used to love Ouija and Tarot, until it almost got me in trouble with the afterlife. After that, I swore to never mess with the stuff again. Until yesterday(Saturday). A psychic named Mary Lee appealed to me, so I go up to her. $20 for a tarot reading, which is bullcrap. But apparently, she guarantees all her readings. So I say, "What the heck? Why not?". Unlike me. Very unlike me. But I do. So I sit in her chair and she tells me to shuffle and make a wish. I do. She takes the cards and starts throwing them down like some sort of card shark. And here's the outcome:

• My self esteem isn't as high as it should be.
• The gates in my mind are so high, that I can't even see over them. This is because I keep my guard up very well.
• I was told to trust NO ONE. To keep my business to myself.
• I was told that my aura color is out of whack. In order to fix it, I should dress nicer.
• Apparently, I am working on a project. I was told to keep working on the project and to put it into place, as it will work out for me.
• I was told that I was happy on the outside, but on the inside I'm a total wreck.
• I was told that money is no problem for me. It's what I already have that's getting me.
• She said I do a lot of writing.
  
• I was told that 2007 was the worst year I've had.
• 2008 was also pretty suckish, but not as bad as 2007.
• She said 2010 will be a GREAT year.
• She said that I was having a relationship problem.
• She said she doesn't see marriage for me for another 5 years.
• She said I'd be in a relationship by the end of this year.

I then asked her about Alan. Probably shouldn't have, but I did. She just told me about the relationship problems and to dress to impress... Pretty on spot, considering Alan is pretty superficial. So yea. I do believe in this stuff, sorta. But I'm not gonna let it ruin me or get in the way with everything. Because it shouldn't. So yea. See you all at my wedding in 5 years! Haha.

Okay. Finally Alan logged on today. I haven't spoken to him in days. He's showering right now, though I don't think he'll be returning tonight. Haha. Anyway, in talking to him, he said a few things that surprised me today. Apparently, I'm acting strange lately. His reasons were that because I don't always answer his IM's, I don't hang out with him all the time anymore. I'm doing things with Abe, and a few other things, as well. I'm surprised he noticed... Well he's correct. I haven't been hanging with him a lot, and I don't answer his IM's all the time. The reason why, is because after a while, it tends to get suckish being love with your best friend. I mean, wouldn't it be sucky if you thought your best friend was the most handsome, perfect, and most amazing person in the world, and yet he didn't think of you the same way? I would think so. Anyway, he notices. That's a good thing. Maybe he'll finally realize how much it sucks. Haha. I mean, it doesn't bother me (much) that he doesn't like me, but it just gets tiring and crappy sometimes. I don't know. I mean, I love him with all my heart, and anything he does won't upset me. I just wanna finally get my chance with him, y'know? I just wanna know how it is to date someone so awesome. I mean, yea. He's a flirter, and some of things he says are so cute, but I want them to mean something. Instead of him just unintentionally flirting with me. I mean, don't they say that the greatest relationships were always based on awesome friendships? We have one of the best friendships in the world, to me anyway. I personally think that things would go right with us. Yea, he says he's not the datable type, but then again who is? If people were so "datable", then why do people go through so many relationships throughout their lives? Hell, I'm not datable. Every guy I've dated ended abruptly simply because there was something about them that either Alan didn't have, or simply because he WASN'T Alan. Bad move, bad thing to do. I know, but I can't help it. It's like having a pet. You get a cat and LOVE it SOOO much, and it loves you. Then one day, the cat dies. You get another one, and it loves you just the same. But you will always know, no matter how much the new cat loves you, it will NEVER be the same as having the old one. If anything, I'm not datable. Because no one is good enough for me, other than him. They say, "Hey. You'll miss out on the one who you're TRULY supposed to be with." Well, here's what I gotta say to that. It doesn't really matter if I miss the one I'm truly supposed to be with. Because I'm willing to let that person slip by, just so I can try and see if we do finally try things. Even if it takes forever, I will. They say I can do way better. Well, the fact of the matter is, I don't WANT better, I don't NEED better, and I won't SETTLE for better. I want him. Plain and simple. But, meh. I'm the hopeless romantic. I'll just keep falling into the hole, while my Prince Charming rides by me with his valiant steed in a blur. Oh well.

I got work in the morning. UGH!!!! And nope, Alan's definitely not coming back online. Oh well, talk to you in a week, my love. =3

Anyway, I'm gonna get some rest, I suppose. I have nothing else to write about. 'Till next time, Blogger!

Kisses for all!

- Joey