They Rather The Coal Over The Diamond

Annoyed. REALLY need to vent.

Why are boys so stupid? Really. Why do they prefer the douche bags over the ones that care about you? Here's what happens. Alan logs on at around 1:15 AM. As most of you know, he doesn't go on that late. Here's the conversation we have.

jdharris1990 1:13 am
You are on late.
"Alan" 1:14 am
I know, lol.
Joey, your status message is so poetic.
jdharris1990 1:14 am
I know
"Alan" 1:14 am
Poetic = pathetic
LOL.
:-P
jdharris1990 1:14 am
PShh. You have no romantic bone in your body.
"Alan" 1:14 am
Lol..
jdharris1990 1:15 am
You should take poetry up.
Guys dig it. 8-)
"Alan" 1:16 am
Yeah, whateva.
Lol.
Yay, only 3 days of class next week.
jdharris1990 1:16 am
Cool!
"Alan" 1:16 am
And each final is only two hours long (max.)
Hey, the other day in Psychology class, we learned about psychological disorders.
jdharris1990 1:17 am
Interesting.
"Alan" 1:17 am
One of them is "Antisocial Disorder: when a person shows a lack of conscience for wrongdoing, and shows a disregard for others' feelings."
What does that tell you?
jdharris1990 1:18 am
It tells me that people with it are crazy?
Idk. Lol. What is it supposed to tell me?
"Alan" 1:20 am
That Jake is antisocial.
jdharris1990 1:20 am
Oh.
Okay? Lol.
But that's not a suprise to me.
"Alan" is offline 1:21 am
IMs are delivered when the buddy signs in. Send "Alan" a text message

He logs off. AS SOON as he's done explaining it to me. What. The. Fuck.

For some of you who don't know the back story, Jake treated Alan like shit when they were friends. Alan was a persistent friend, and didn't want to drop him. Because he "cared" about him. Eventually, they finally break ties. Alan drops Jake. Though I heard that Jake dropped Alan, thats not important. Later on, he tells me that he purposely pushed Jake away. Things go along as planned. I don't hear a word about him ever again, until we go visit Cleveland one day. All of a sudden they are the best of pals. And then finally, this conversation happens. Now, as most of you know, there have been rumors about Alan liking Jake. Me and Liza asked him. He denied it.

So now tell me. For someone who apparently doesn't LIKE him, sure seems to care a lot about what he may have. Look at it. What in the WORLD would cause him to even think about what Jake would have? Anti social disorder, as Alan puts it, someone who has lack of conscience for wrongdoing, and shows a disregard for others' feelings. Hmmm. So this means you have to HAVE feelings for someone in order for them to have a disregard for them. Am I right? And if you supposedly "pushed him away intentionally", why you even express any concern as to what "disorders" he has? And in order for you to go on at 1 in the morning just to tell someone about it, obviously means it's bothering you. I dropped Rori. I forgot about Rori. I don't go around looking for explinations as to why I was treated the way I was. I don't give a shit.

Speaking of giving a shit, you seem to give a shit what he does, since you spent the ENTIRE walk to your house from Cleveland addressing everything he was doing to you. I TOLD you what to do! Leave him alone! If you didn't want to sing with him, tell him so! If he's annoying you, get away from him! If you don't like his opinions, don't listen to them! But no, why should what I say account for anything? No. You just told me to mind my own business. Right. Because that REALLY makes sense.

I honestly don't get it. If he does like Jake...I just wanna know why. The kid treated you like utter shit, OBVIOUSLY doesn't care about you as much as you thought, yet you want him over the kid that just wants nothing more than for you to be happy. It's fucking stupid.

Please. Stop telling me about Jake. I don't fucking care. I don't care about Jake, what he says, or what he does. I don't like Jake. I don't care if he has anti social disorders. Whoop de fucking doo. Maybe he'll kill himself and we can get on with our lives.

So, my verdict? He DOES like Jake. He swears he doesn't, but he does. Even the deaf, dumb, blind, and tragically stupid people would realize it. And even though he knows there's no chance, he's going to find SOME reason as to why he doesn't like him back. In this case, he's gonna go and say he has a disorder that makes him oblivious and uncaring for his feelings. This will give him a reason to show sympathy. It annoys me. So, you go ahead. Like the douchebag. Because now I don't give a shit. I plan on talking to him about this. I'll even post the conversation RIGHT here on Blogger.

Notice how I'm finally able to be mad at him? Maybe I am beginning to dislike him. Little by little.

Anyway, I'm going. Bye.

Kisses for all. (Except for Alan. He'd rather Jake's kisses, instead.)

- Joey

It's About Love

Hi guys. Haven't written a blog in who knows how long. I have a LOT to write, mostly on love, hence the title. Well enough dilly dallying. Off to writing.

Okay. So I heard something very disturbing on a website I visit regularly. It was a direct "attack" on the gay community. Needless to say, I was a bit offended, and honestly, even though that person will NEVER see this post, I just want to get it off my back. The person claims that being gay isn't normal. The person claims that being gay is just one big disgusting sexual fantasy, and we only exist because of sexual reasons. He also went into detail about how it was meant for man and woman to wed and have sex because that is the normal way and the sole purpose of sex is for procreation. Well person, you are wrong. VERY wrong. Let's tackle the easier part first. Being gay is one big sexual fantasy. Well, one could say the same about man and woman. I am sexually attracted to men. You are sexually attracted to women. Who's to say you are into women just for the sex? But of course, that would be ignorant of me to think that. Being gay is no different from being straight, except it involves members of the same sex. For instance, take the girl you like. You like her not for her boobs or vagina, but for her personality (I'm assuming.). Same with me. I look for boys with an enriching attitude, a great sense of humor, and a kind manner. What you look for in a woman is what I look for in a man. I like a boy for the way he THINKS, not the way he fucks. Plain and simple. Now as for your procreation theory. You make a convincing point, mystery internet person. But saying that sex is solely for the purpose of procreation is like saying a computer is used solely for internet usage. It's not true. Sex offers so much more than procreation. It offers a way to become closer to your partner. Ways to satisfy your partner. Not to mention it feels amazing. Whether or not it is being used for procreation doesn't matter. Condoms were ORIGINALLY made for the purpose of NOT procreating. The reason why I say originally, is because these days, teenagers engage in sexual activity, and if they must do so, use a condom. But I'm sure that the intention the inventor of the condom wasn't so teenagers could have safe sex. His intention was to prevent a woman getting pregnant if they choose not to have a baby. So procreation is NOT a mandatory thing. People choose when they want a child. If they do want one, then hats off to you. But if they don't want a child at the present time, condoms help PREVENT this. So your procreation theory is wrong my friend. Marriage and relationships are based on love, not modern day morals. I just happened to see myself with a member of the same sex.

That felt good. Haha. So...what else is new?

Christmas is coming up! I cannot wait! I'm not getting a lot for Christmas, but it's not about quantity. This year it's all about quality, which is what I'm getting. Instead of asking for shitloads of things I'll rarely or never use, I asked for a few things that I KNOW I'll use. A snuggie, a jogging suit, and an iPod Touch. Of course I'll use a snuggie, because they are comfortable and ADORABLE! An iPod Touch...well because I have 900 songs stuck in my laptop, and I like music on the go. And a jogging suit. I want to get in shape, so jogging will help. And my iPod Touch will help me through! So yes, Christmas is going to be a blast...well sort of. This year will be different. I have no job or no money. I'm already depressed that I might not even have enough to buy people gifts, and I won't be able to throw a party this year. *Sad face* My Christmas party's are always fun. Oh well. Next year, I suppose. Either way, Merry Christmas everyone!

Okay, so 2 nights ago I had the most terrifying nightmare in the world. Guess who it was about? Alan. It wasn't like any other nightmare I've ever had. And it was so real. Nothing was weird, like nightmares usually are. It was like I was actually awake and nothing weird would happen. Anyway, let me explain what was happening. I was picking Alan up from his house. We weren't together, we never kissed. Nothing I would normally dream about. It was just like a normal day. He came out of his house, he hugged me and we began hanging out. Alan informs me that he's sick with a minor cough. So he's mildly coughing and everything. Nothing big. Then days begin to go by, every day we hang out, every day he gets worse and worse. The coughing grows stronger and more intense. He's beginning to look pale and tired. Finally, we hang out again. He comes out of his house, but he's a wreck. He's tired, EXTREMELY pale, and hacking instead of coughing, doing so every 5 minutes. It's so bad we have to keep stopping so he can cough and breathe. I finally say to him, "Alan. Are you okay?" He says "No. Walk me home." So we begin walking toward his house, but before we make it, he begins the most intense coughing attack I've ever seen, and he winds up collapsing to the ground. I check his breathing, but he's not breathing. I try mouth to mouth resuscitation, but it doesn't work. So I grab his phone and call an ambulance. They take him into the ambulance, and I go in as well. I grab his hand and begin praying he'd be okay. The next thing I see is his mom by the reception desk, I'm sitting in the corner hoping he's alright. Just then a doctor comes in the waiting room, pulls his mom aside and says something...the next thing I see is Alan's mom bursting into tears...at that moment, I wake up crying my eyes out. Took me like 10 minutes to calm myself down. Who HAS these fucking dreams? I've never EVER had a nightmare like that at ALL. It sucks so bad. I was telling Liza about the nightmare, and I couldn't contain myself when I was telling her. I was crying just explaining it to her. It was so bad. She kept telling me, "He's alright, baby boy! He's alright!" and I was all like, "I know." Then she says, "Man. I just fucking WISH he know how much you cared about him." God. I swear. I hope I don't have another dream like that one for a loooong time.

So recently, despite the nightmare I had, I've been feeling happy! Me and Alan are so close to each other, it's awesome. Having him as a friend is fucking amazing. Same with Liza. Liza is quite possibly one of the greatest friends I've ever had. I've finally rid the people I don't need in my life. Those people being Sheets and Jimmy. No need for them, if all they are gonna do is cause drama or blow things out of proportion. Either way, thats over with. My life seems to be getting better. Still single, though. Then again, I'm still doing the stupid thing and still chasing after Alan. Well...more like waiting. For what? I'm not sure. But whatever. I'm no good with other boys, anyway. I usually just dump them after 2 weeks. It's this complex I have. I'm really big on finding the perfect person with everything I look for in a person. So far the only person possessing everything I look for in a boy is Alan. I'll keep looking, but I'm not sure I'll find anyone as amazing and handsome as Alan. *sigh* Gotta keep trying. Or not. Haha.

Working on a novel. This time I'm actually going to FINISH it. It's called Chasing Pavements. It's on my Booksie page. I posted a link to it in a past blog, so find it and read! I'm 9 chapters in! GO INDULGE!

Another interesting piece of news. I'm in a play! It's called Temporary Disaster. It's at Queens College. I'm playing as my literal opposite self. I'm John, the straight guy, class clown douchebag with a new girlfriend every day. Well...the douchebag part is pretty like me, but the straight class clown with a new girlfriend every day is the exact opposite. It goes up December 9th. BE THERE!

Anyway, that'll be all for now. I'll catch you all later!

Kisses for all!

- Joey

Rebellion, Rebellion, REBELLION!!!!

The title doesn't REALLY match everything I will be writing about, but one paragraph may apply....besides, I liked the title a lot.

Rebellion. In the work force, to be exact. I am trying to set up an interview with another job. The law firm Liza works at. Unfortunately...I'm upstate. My job relocated from Manhattan to Mahopac. Yes, I've never heard of it either...at least until I first visited my uncles house. Anyway, I hate my job. Yes, I get paid $12/Hour, but it's not worth it. At least to me. It takes me 2 1/2 hours to get from my house to my job. I cannot deal with that shit. No way!! So I'm gonna ask him to take me to the train....hopefully he will let me. Fat chance, though. Anyway, hopefully I get an interview. Pray for me.

What else to write about....

I'm blogging @ work again. Worst of all, in my uncles office. In plain sight. Maybe he'll fire me! Haha! Either way I shouldn't be doing this, but I do anyway. I'm living on the edge, baby!! Well not really. When I go skydiving, THEN I'd be living on the edge. Until then, I'm just barely pushing buttons. Nothing too big.

I AM on the edge of something, though. At least I think and hope. It might be a false sense of hope, and maybe it's NOT a "breakthrough". I hope it is, but it's probably not. Anyway. You know that feeling? That feeling that you just KNOW that something is getting closer? You KNOW that something big is happening or going to happen? I have that feeling. I've had it for about 3 to 4 months. It just came to me. Like for some reason I'm getting closer? I don't know. I'm NOT going to say, "OH YES! IT'S DEFINITE! HE LIKES ME!" because I'm not delirious OR stupid. I'm not gonna jump to any conclusions. As far as I know, he just considers me a friend until he says otherwise. Doesn't mean I can't speculate. Haha. I just think that I must be doing something right. But I have a few questions. Maybe some sort of psychologist or specialist on human behavior can answer these:

~ If someone repeatedly makes jokes about having sex with you,does this mean he, subconsciously, WANTS to have sex with you?

~ If someone continually makes jokes or references to being in a relationship with you, does he want to be with you?

~ If a person has absolutely no problem pretending to go out with you to other people, what does this mean?

~ If the person KNOWS you like them and they continually flirt with you, what does this mean?

~ Is it true that if someone laughs at every joke you make or if you make them laugh easily without a problem, they show interest?

These questions have plagued me for a while. I really want answers. I probably won't have answers, nor will I ever, but I would be grateful if I got some sort of input.

So I actually had a phone conversation with Alan for like 2 hours last night. I NEVER talk on the phone. I HATE talking on the phone. So does he. I did tell him that he's the only person I can hold a conversation with over the phone and not get bored. He said the same thing. We were just talking about random things. Video games, bugs, stars, the moon, everything. We even shared the cutest and cheesiest moment on the fucking planet. We "looked at the same star together". And I guess we sort of shared a sentimental moment, though it wasn't that big. He was like, "Never pull a Rori on me." Initially saying, never drop me. I thought it was cute, but I digress. Either way, a 2 hour long conversation with him proved to be really nice. He's calling me again tonight to talk (Hopefully.). Maybe this whole talking over phone thing will become a trend. Who knows? I hope so. I like talking to him on the phone. Maybe more "sentimental" moments will occur. Or maybe he'll just talk about Resident Evil 5 some more.

That's another thing. I love Alan, and I'll listen to everything he has to say and provide constructive feedback as well, but sometimes talking about video games can get sort of boring. It's fun at first, but a billion conversations about Resident Evil and 87 trillion YouTube videos on R.E: 5 later, it's kinda...dead to me. Not that it BOTHERS me that he continually talks about the game, but it's just boring sometimes and I wish he'd talk about something else. I don't own the game, so half the time I never know what he's talking about. I just listen and say, "Uh huh." I'll laugh at a joke I don't even understand, and I'll agree and attempt to state a fact about the game that I know nothing about. I've just been getting lucky. I wanna have more enriching conversation with him. But that's like asking a dog to meow. I guess I'll HAVE to listen to the video game "awesomeness". I love him enough to listen to his banter on video games.

Okay let me finish my lunch and get to work. (Mmmm....Chicken Melt w/ fries.)

Kisses for all!

-Joey

Blogging While At Work

Currently on hold with Ocwen bank. This should take a while. Ocwen has horrible wait times. Anyway, nothing else better to do, so I'll write.

I've decided to work for 10 hours everyday this week. That's an extra $150 added to my paycheck! ^_^ And what could I do with $550 dollars? EVERYTHING! :-D But I have a few things to do with my money. So minus taxes, I would get around $480 and change. $200 to my grandparents. Leaving me with $280. $50 to bank. That's $230. Minus $27 for my Metro. $203. For me! I gotta buy a present for my cousin and mail that to her. So...$140? Yea. And THEN. I'm trying to get up the courage to ask Alan if he wants to "do something sometime". Haha. So far, no dough. But I'm trying. And there goes my paycheck. See? Money sucks. From $550 ALL the way down to NOTHING. It's bullshit. But I'm gonna tell my grandparents. Next week, I'm doing this. 10 hours everyday. And I am NOT giving them $100. I want my money. All of it. Next weeks pay. $550 minus taxes...$480. $50 for bank. (I owe a deficit of $398.32. I set up a payment plan.) $27 for Metro. Do the math. $480 minus $50 is $430. That minus $27. $403. ^_^ Can someone say SHOPPING!! So I've got shit under control. I just gotta work my ASS of for it.

So yea, another ALAN paragraph. As if you didn't already expect it. Haha. So yea. I keep blogging about him and whatnot. I probably shouldn't be. Because it makes me look like a freak. But wouldn't YOU want to just tell the world how awesome someone was? Just scream, "I have the most AMAZING boy in my life!" regardless of whether or not they are with you? Besides, writing about him keeps me out of trouble, even though I LOVE trouble. I also want to be more straight forward, like Liza is. With Liza, you KNOW when she does or doesn't like you. She will TELL you and she will speak her mind. I LOVE THAT. So I wanna be more like her. So now, I WILL be a little bit more straight forward, but I won't go too rough. Like yesterday. I was talking to him. And "Gay Mike" came up. Now, as far as he knows, me and Alan are together. Usually I wouldn't care, but the thought came to mind. So, wanting to be more straight forward, I spoke my thought. I said, "I love how we can 'pretend' this stuff, yet it will never happen for reals." All he had to say was, "Uh huh.". And I left it there. I'm gonna make it known. I'm not gonna hide my feelings for him so much, anymore. I AM gonna be subtle, but I'm just gonna be sure it is known.

Okay. So last night, we hung out. At like...12 am. I had a great time, actually. I guess you can say we had a "heart-to-heart". He told me about him, I told him about me. It was nice. We walked around like 3 blocks. I killed a bee. And of course, being me, I felt a connection between us. But I always do. This time, it was...stronger. Like, I felt it FULL FORCE. And I KNOW he had to have felt it, too. He had to have felt it. Because he was acting differently. Not like himself. But oh well, let's see where it goes. It may go somewhere, it may not. Only time will tell. But I don't think anybody actually KNOWS what I feel. People say, "I've been there." but they haven't. I find myself thinking about the kid a LOT. He holds a special part of my heart. He stole it. Haha. But I really do care about him. He's just perfect to me. Flaws and all. Screw him for being so awesome. Screw him with a plunger stick. But oh well. I digress. I guess I kinda don't want to get over him, because honestly, I'll NEVER find someone as awesome as he is. No one out there is like him. I've met people like Liza before. I've met people like Christine and Sheets before. I've never met someone like Alan. Never. I'm beginning to think he was place here purposely in my life path. I mean, LOOK at it! 2 years ago in Italian class, all I did was simply ask, "Dude do you have the homework?" That's it. And everyday since then, he would say "Hi.". I'd say "What's up, Alan?" Give him a pound and get on with life. He'd say "Bye Joey." after class. I'd say "Later dude." Half the time, I didn't even know his NAME. Yet for SOME REASON, he continued to say hi and bye to me, until the semester ended. THEN I find this kid in my CLOVER CLASS? Same class. Same period. That's it. I didn't think anything of it back then. But now. After EVERYTHING that happened. Truth or Dare, Tommy, our escapades in the balcony, Him and Rori, and our best friendship. ALL FROM JUST ASKING FOR THE HOMEWORK. It has to be fate. Has to be. Because I've said hi and bye to HUNDREDS of people. Why HIM? And what's even MORE baffling is the fact that me and him have literally EVERY SINGLE THING in COMMON? I just so happen to ask the person who shares everything in common for the homework? Out of all the people in the class? It's really eye-opening. If that shit isn't fate, explain what the HELL it is, then. So, I don't know.

Now, even THOUGH everything points to one thing. I must say this. Alan is the BEST friend I've ever had. And even though I love him, our friendship will ALWAYS come first. Over anything. So this is one reason why, even though I'll be more straight forward, I'm not gonna badger him. I want his friendship MORE than I want a relationship with him. I love him with all my heart, but I love him like my best friend, too. So, I'm keeping my friendship with him now. If he so happens to want to date me, then okay. But 'till then, he's my best friend. Of course I'll throw him an occasional curve ball, but all in all , I'm still gonna be his friend first. He's WAAY too important to me to lose because I wanted to dig deeper into our friendship. I'll do that WHILE maintaining our friendship. Seems easy enough. I just want to eliminate his whole shpiel of how "I have too much to do. College, home life, blah blah blah." or "I'm not datable.". He says that he'd be clingy, and going by what me and Christine were like, I wouldn't like it. He's forgetting that we at least TRIED it between us. We had a stable friendship. The only reason why we broke up was because things got totally different between us. And he'll probably say, "Well, things will become different between us." Well he doesn't know that unless he tries. But oh well. I can type 'till my fingers fall off about the matter. He'll never see this blog, anyway. So whatever. Haha. Anyway, yea. That's really all on this topic.

Moving news. I'm moving. 2 times. Moving from my house and from my current office. My uncle is out looking for office space as I type this. And my grandparents are looking around for an apartment. Hopefully around where we are now! Otherwise, I get the feeling we'd have to move far...And THAT won't work out at ALL. Liza will hate me. Alan will be crushed(He's told me so.) So yea, I pray to GOD we find a place close to where I am now. Otherwise, I'd get so upset that I'd have to leave friends behind. NO! Pray for me!

Anyway, Ocwen finally picked up. So I'll post some more later. Whoa...Deja VU!

Kisses for all!

- Joey

I've Come To A Realization

Hey all. I'm blogging today because I've finally realized something. Read on.

I'm a fucking jerk. I'm stupid. I really do have "dumbass" tattooed across my forehead. I've been so blinded by love that I didn't even realize what was TRULY going on. Well, today I WAS supposed to chill with Alan today. Note the keyword. WAS!! He told me, "We should make plans. Me and you." I was all like, "Okay!" He said he'd go on AIM early to discuss what we'd do today. But did he? Nope. Of course not. And I know why. Because it's apparent the whole, "Best Friend" bit isn't mutual. It NEVER WAS. It's obvious that I'm just there when it's convenient for him. I've notice a small pattern:

• The ONLY time we ever hang out is when he's going to the supermarket, bakery, or to fill his stupid prepaid credit card. Never to "just hangout".
• Every time we DO hang out, for some reason, it's always when I have money in my pocket. Which just so happens to go into buying him Chinese food or Dunkin' Donuts.
• I buy that fuck everything he asks me for.
• Ever since he dropped Jake (Or when Jake dropped HIM), he all of a sudden got "too lazy" to go on AIM.
• I'm DAMN sure that if Jake were to call him at anytime, he'd drop whatever he's doing JUST to go meet up with him.

Among many other things. But the fuck just logged on. Time for him to realize what he truly is.

Kisses for all!

-Joey

AM Blogging

I have work in the morning and it's 2:30 in the morning. Then again, I don't sleep, so it's just. Anyway, I'm gonna write now!

I'm tired. Who knows if I'll even finish this damned blog. I don't even know what to write about...okay, yes I do.

I hate when people log on just to tell you something, yet it's something you REALLY don't want to hear. For example. Alan logged on. At 2 in the morning. Alan is NEVER on at 2 in the morning. Anyway, so he logs on. I had been talking to Edwin today, as well. He asked me "Have you talked to Alan, because I haven't in like a month." Jake was hanging with Edwin. I assumed it was Jake wondering, not Edwin, as he didn't really talk to Alan as much Jake did. So, Alan logs on and I'm like, "I think Jake misses you." and tell him this. He just proves it wrong and says that it was Edwin wondering. I'm all like, "Oh. Okay. Lol." Then he says, "Joey. I logged on to tell you something." And here I was, thinking, "OH MY GOD. There's only ONE reason why he'd log on at 2 IN THE MORNING just to tell ME something." Butterflies ensue, only to be shut down. He logged on to tell me about a dream he had about Jake. Like, really. Apparently, he just kept popping up in his dream, and something about Alan knowing he was avoiding Jake and blah blah blah. Then after he's done explaining and saying how happy he was that Jake was out of his life, he logs off. Okay, so maybe it's not the best idea to think that he'd log on so late to admit he LIKED me, but the heart is a stupid muscle. I guess I just really wanna date him, that I'll hope that every single thing he has to "tell me" is gonna be something like, "Joey. I like you now." or "Joey. I've been thinking. Maybe we can try us out.". But alas, it never happens. The childhood belief isn't true. When you wish upon a star, dreams won't come true. Grrr. Oh well.

Anyway, I've got nothing more to write. So I guess I'll talk to you guys later.

By the way, am I the only one that notices that MY blog is inconspicuously just discussing my feelings for Alan? Well shit...I need to stop. Or not. Haha. =3

Kisses for all!

- Joey

Posting At Work Is Always Fun (And Wrong.)

Hey All. I'm at work right now. I'm on hold with a bank, so I'm just waiting for them to pick up so I can talk! Until then, I'll write.



Gee. What to write...what to write...



Christine and Sheets now have knowledge that I have this blog. I haven't told them it's location, nor do I plan to. They need to FIND it. Sorry guys, but it's something I have to do. Last time I showed my blog to everyone, things got REALLY out of hand. No thank you. If you stumble upon it, then fine with me. But I refuse to give anyone this blog. Last thing I need is for the wrong people to read this blog.



Scratch that, I told Christine and Sheets about it. I made them swear on different things. This way, I'll have tenure if they tell anyone. =3

Okay. Now. I'm gonna do something that I've always said I would do, but never did. I am going to (try to) list EVERY detail that I like/love about who-know-fucking-who. Here goes.

The List Of WHY I Like/Love You-Know-Fucking Who, and what it is about him that makes me Like /Love Him, In order from Most To Least:

1. Seeing him smile. His smile is just makes me happy. I love it when he smiles. Whenever I see him smile, my day officially brightens up.
2. Hearing him laugh. He's got a laugh where, if he laughs, you just wanna laugh too.
3. He's amazingly handsome. Never met such a handsome boy in my life.
4. He's funny. The kid's got a GREAT sense of humor. You can joke about ANYTHING, and he'll laugh. Always.
5. He's sweet. He wouldn't harm a fly.
6. He's SMART. The kid is fucking genius.
7. He's a SINGER. A wonderful one.
8. He's an ACTOR. A guy who can make himself cry on COMMAND. Well, damn.
9. He's an AWESOME friend. Would NEVER trade him for anything.
10. His style. He dresses like himself, not like what others want him to be, and yet he STILL manages to impress.
11. Has a great taste in video games. Because Resident Evil and Final Fantasy are quite possibly the two best video game series' out there. Hands down.
12. He has great taste in music. Every single song he's shown me, I loved.
13. He can be slow at times. When he is, it's just cute as hell. Haha.
14. Deep down, he adores cute animals. There will be times where he'll send me a YouTube video with a duckling and a basset hound snuggling with each other.
15. He's sentimental. Read above.
16. He wears glasses. Because glasses are hot. Plain and Simple.
17. He likes everyone! He's extremely friendly.
18. He has compassion. One of the VERY few people in this world that possess such a wonderful trait.
19. He loves Dunkin' Donuts. I love Dunkin' Donuts. 'Nuff said.
20. He's a mooch. I love it.

20 different reasons. And I'm probably leaving things out. Once again, though it's known. He's amazing. Look above. That's why. Lol.

Anyway, leaving work soon, so I'll talk to you later.

Kisses for All!

- Joey

Another Blog For Another Day

Hola guys. Just checking back in with you all.

Okay, so. As you may or may not know, I used to love Ouija and Tarot, until it almost got me in trouble with the afterlife. After that, I swore to never mess with the stuff again. Until yesterday(Saturday). A psychic named Mary Lee appealed to me, so I go up to her. $20 for a tarot reading, which is bullcrap. But apparently, she guarantees all her readings. So I say, "What the heck? Why not?". Unlike me. Very unlike me. But I do. So I sit in her chair and she tells me to shuffle and make a wish. I do. She takes the cards and starts throwing them down like some sort of card shark. And here's the outcome:

• My self esteem isn't as high as it should be.
• The gates in my mind are so high, that I can't even see over them. This is because I keep my guard up very well.
• I was told to trust NO ONE. To keep my business to myself.
• I was told that my aura color is out of whack. In order to fix it, I should dress nicer.
• Apparently, I am working on a project. I was told to keep working on the project and to put it into place, as it will work out for me.
• I was told that I was happy on the outside, but on the inside I'm a total wreck.
• I was told that money is no problem for me. It's what I already have that's getting me.
• She said I do a lot of writing.
  
• I was told that 2007 was the worst year I've had.
• 2008 was also pretty suckish, but not as bad as 2007.
• She said 2010 will be a GREAT year.
• She said that I was having a relationship problem.
• She said she doesn't see marriage for me for another 5 years.
• She said I'd be in a relationship by the end of this year.

I then asked her about Alan. Probably shouldn't have, but I did. She just told me about the relationship problems and to dress to impress... Pretty on spot, considering Alan is pretty superficial. So yea. I do believe in this stuff, sorta. But I'm not gonna let it ruin me or get in the way with everything. Because it shouldn't. So yea. See you all at my wedding in 5 years! Haha.

Okay. Finally Alan logged on today. I haven't spoken to him in days. He's showering right now, though I don't think he'll be returning tonight. Haha. Anyway, in talking to him, he said a few things that surprised me today. Apparently, I'm acting strange lately. His reasons were that because I don't always answer his IM's, I don't hang out with him all the time anymore. I'm doing things with Abe, and a few other things, as well. I'm surprised he noticed... Well he's correct. I haven't been hanging with him a lot, and I don't answer his IM's all the time. The reason why, is because after a while, it tends to get suckish being love with your best friend. I mean, wouldn't it be sucky if you thought your best friend was the most handsome, perfect, and most amazing person in the world, and yet he didn't think of you the same way? I would think so. Anyway, he notices. That's a good thing. Maybe he'll finally realize how much it sucks. Haha. I mean, it doesn't bother me (much) that he doesn't like me, but it just gets tiring and crappy sometimes. I don't know. I mean, I love him with all my heart, and anything he does won't upset me. I just wanna finally get my chance with him, y'know? I just wanna know how it is to date someone so awesome. I mean, yea. He's a flirter, and some of things he says are so cute, but I want them to mean something. Instead of him just unintentionally flirting with me. I mean, don't they say that the greatest relationships were always based on awesome friendships? We have one of the best friendships in the world, to me anyway. I personally think that things would go right with us. Yea, he says he's not the datable type, but then again who is? If people were so "datable", then why do people go through so many relationships throughout their lives? Hell, I'm not datable. Every guy I've dated ended abruptly simply because there was something about them that either Alan didn't have, or simply because he WASN'T Alan. Bad move, bad thing to do. I know, but I can't help it. It's like having a pet. You get a cat and LOVE it SOOO much, and it loves you. Then one day, the cat dies. You get another one, and it loves you just the same. But you will always know, no matter how much the new cat loves you, it will NEVER be the same as having the old one. If anything, I'm not datable. Because no one is good enough for me, other than him. They say, "Hey. You'll miss out on the one who you're TRULY supposed to be with." Well, here's what I gotta say to that. It doesn't really matter if I miss the one I'm truly supposed to be with. Because I'm willing to let that person slip by, just so I can try and see if we do finally try things. Even if it takes forever, I will. They say I can do way better. Well, the fact of the matter is, I don't WANT better, I don't NEED better, and I won't SETTLE for better. I want him. Plain and simple. But, meh. I'm the hopeless romantic. I'll just keep falling into the hole, while my Prince Charming rides by me with his valiant steed in a blur. Oh well.

I got work in the morning. UGH!!!! And nope, Alan's definitely not coming back online. Oh well, talk to you in a week, my love. =3

Anyway, I'm gonna get some rest, I suppose. I have nothing else to write about. 'Till next time, Blogger!

Kisses for all!

- Joey

Links For YOU

Hey guys. Just updating you on some of the things I do on the interweb. A few things. Following are a list of links of things I do in my spare time. So check 'em out!

Facebook - Joey on Facebook!

Myspace - Joey on Myspace! Broken link. This myspace doesn't exist anymore!

YouTube - Joey on YouTube!

Booksie - Joey on Booksie!

2nd Blogger Account - Joey on Blogger!

These links will probably supply more info on me, what I do, and what I love. Check them out. Add me on Myspace/Facebook! Watch my YouTube videos! Ready my poetry on Booksie! And more importantly, Read about the last 2 years of my life on my 2nd Blogger Account.

I'm noting everything that has happened to me, because I plan on working on a novel in the future. Need to DOCUMENT!! Why not join me for the ride! Enjoy my people!

Kisses for all!

- Joey

A New Blog For A New Day

Hey. This is my newest blog. A blog that no one knows about, and kinda won't find unless they dig deep. Well, I've made it easy for them to find it. So you'd have to be dumb to NOT find it. Anyway, might as well get to writing!

Just a little information about myself. My name is Joey, but I'm notorious for the name "Harris". I'm 18, turning 19 in 2 long months. I'm gay. That's really all the info I can pretty much remember. I have the best friends that a guy could ask for. They each get their own paragraphs! This is my paragraph, so wait! Haha. So anyway. Yes, I'm gay. I've been out of the closet for about a year and a half. My entire family knows, and to my knowledge they all accept me and love me for who I am. I have little to no discretion. If a great song comes on the radio or my iPod, I will not hesitate to sing at the TOP of my lungs, whether it be in the streets, on the train, or, at work. I LOVE to sing. It's my talent, my LIFE. I want to make it my career. I like to believe I have a good voice. Apparently it's true, because everyone has told me so. Haha. Another thing, I'm straight up. I don't sugarcoat ANYTHING. If I don't like you, you WILL know. Now if I don't, I may acknowledge you, and if you ask for a cigarette, I might give you one, because even though I don't like you, I'll talk to you. Now if I REALLY don't like you, I WILL NOT acknowledge you. I might even be a little cold. But it's who I am. I may be nice, but I'm a douchebag as well. Don't get on my bad side, I'll make you feel like shit. I never play fair in an argument. If I go at you, I'll get down and dirty. Now, if I LIKE you. Well, it's very good if I like you. Also, easy. Because I like everyone. I like people. It's hard to get on my bad side. So, even though I am a bastard, I'm generous. I'll probably give you my last dollar for you to eat something. Haha. Unfortunately, I'm shallow. You gotta be REALLY hot/cute/handsome to get a shot at dating me. Joey HATES FGs. Remember that.

I live with my grandparents, whom I love to death, even though they tend to get a little rough sometimes. Even though than can be tough, they give me all the freedom in the world. I have tremendous love for my brothers, Anthony and Peter. Anthony. He's 20 years old. I couldn't ask for a better brother. He was born with Cerebral Palsy, making him unable to walk, sit on his own, and a LOT of other things. But he's a bright, loving, and wonderful guy and it makes up for his lack of mobility tenfold. I love him with every single fiber of my heart. Peter. He's 15, making me the middle child. He's...well...he's my brother. Like him or hate him, I gotta love him. Even though we have our altercations here and there, I'll always love the little bastard. My father and stepmother live up the block from me. My biological mom kinda disappeared 8 years ago. I have the best parents in the universe. That's really all I can say about this. Haha.

On to my amazing friends!

First, Liza. Oh MAN! I call her tons of things. "Baby girl", "My love", "Boo". But the one that I know her for is, "Lizzie Boo". She is quite possibly one of the BEST friends I, and anyone else, can have. She is my "ride to die chick", and I love her so much. She is basically me in girl form, I like to think. She is also my conscience. Every time I am about to do something wrong, I hear in my head, "What are you doing, baby boy? You know it's wrong!" Or if I'm doing something stupid, I'll hear, "You're a dick. Stop.". She is the Karen to my Jack. She's my 2nd half. I'd do anything for that girl. We are so tight, we got matching tattoos! A treble clef with our first initials under it. I got "JL" under mine, she got "LJ" under hers. Now, no matter how far we are, I'll always have her around! We share some of the best moments and jokes with each other! And she's the ONLY one I would drink with, as I trust her with my life. I love her to DEATH and I wouldn't trade her for the world. Love you, Lizzie Boo.

Next, Christine. Christine is the light of my life. She's my good side. I'll go to her if I need sound advice, or just a quirky pick-up or ditsy song to pick me up. She's smart as HELL, so much that her brain is a dangerous weapon. To me, anyway. She would be the Grace to my Will. (We are all fans of Will and Grace.) I say this because we have a 4 year history. We became best friends, then we got together and STOOD together for 9 months. I loved her to death, but we fought worse than a dog and cat, which was the demise of the relationship, but we are still the best of friends. Another girl that I'd die for. Don't know where I'd be without her. We share some of the greatest moments with each other. "What are the properties of that right triangle?" Insider! She's my crazy side as well. She has a bit more discretion than me, but when we find a duet song we both love, we'll just sing at the top of our lungs and laugh afterward. I can always count on her. And for some reason, no matter how bony my shoulder is, you'd find her leaning on it for hours. Good memories and sore shoulders. Love you, Christine!

Last, but most DEFINITELY not least. Alan. This paragraph is gonna be LOOOONG. Well what can I say? He's just an amazing person. This boy is just...perfect in my eyes. We have been through a LOT in 2 years. When I met him in Italian, I never thought asking him for the homework would turn into something so wonderful. The first year was a bit...well rocky. We have a history with each other. I've made out with the boy, I've had my first (actual) erm...sexual escapades with him. I've liked him for about 1 1/2 of the years I've known him. Currently, I must say I'm truly in love with him. Not because we did anything with each other. But because he's just him. I love his smile, voice, laughter, sense of style, sense of humor, we have EVERY SINGLE THING POSSIBLE in common, with a few minor details. I can go on for hours just telling you how awesome he is. He's by far, the most handsome boy I've ever met. But alas, he doesn't feel the same way for me. But it's cool. He considers me his "Number one best friend", and I'm more than ecstatic to have the title. Even besides all the rocky details, we NEVER EVER fight. Never. He's an amazing friend, and I'm truly, truly grateful to have him in my life, even if he's not with me. I've always said my friendship comes before relationship. I would do anything for him. I cherish his friendship like it's my own life. There is truly no other boy like him. I love him with all my heart and hope I have him forever on. I love you, Alli! (I don't really care if he sees this, either. Partially because I'm tired of hiding things. So if you read this, indulge. I think you're amazing, Alli. Deal with it. Hahahaha.)

Okay, what to write now....

Ahh. American Idol. If you don't know already, I've tried out. The process....total bullshit. It's totally and utterly rigged. Here's what happened. It was a 3 day process. 2 days were for registration, and 1 day for auditions. So I go to Registration Day 1. No line, nothing. We just went inside, I got a fancy red wristband, and my aunt and little cousin got nifty white ones, and we got seating tickets. Red ones are for contestants, white ones for guests. then Audition day. Audition day was horrible. We had to be there at 5:00 AM. We get there, and there is this ASS long line. I thought it was bullshit because we already had designated seating! Anyway, so we are in the back of this huge goddamn line, waiting to get in. Worst part is, it's RAINING horribly out. I have a shitty little plastic poncho protecting me(Which it didn't. I was fucking soaked.) The wait was about 4 hours. We finally get into the stadium. Auditions were held in Boston in Gillette Stadium. We take our seats, which were, OF COURSE, in an open roof stadium, which meant MORE RAIN! YAY! T_T. Anyway, on registration day, they gave us a list, and on it, we had to learn the song "When I Grow Up" by Pussycat Dolls. While in the stadium, they made us say some stupid lines, and sing the song. And then wait some more. We waiting in our seats for another 3 hours. Finally, my section was called, because they were going by section. I get up and get ready to audition. There were 13 tents in a row. One of the tents weren't open, so it was 12. After talking to a few people that have been through this process more than once, I learned that the tents are different. There are tents that only accept the good singers, tents that only accept the bad singers, tents that accept everyone, and tents that accept NO ONE. I get up to a tent. They made us audition in groups of 4. They have one person step up, sing, step back, and do this for all 4. Then they bring up all 4 and tell them 1 of 2 things. Either, "We are interested in having you in this competition." or "Sorry, but you're just not what this competition is looking for." So I go up and sing "I Believe I Can Fly" by R. Kelly. (Probably shouldn't have sang that particular song...) and then they bring us up, and give us the dreaded line, "Sorry, but you're not what this competition is looking for." So I go out where they direct me. I look around for my aunt, and find her NOWHERE. I get lost for an hour, but eventually, I find her and go home. So yea, American Idol. Totally rigged. I wouldn't do it again. Well...maybe I would. Whenever it comes.

Okay what's next to discuss... I know.

My love life! Because everyone wants to know my past loves! Well I've been with a few girls and guys. Girls being Kristie, Christine, and Sammy. Kristie was my first girlfriend. It was sorta accidental, considering I was drunk when I asked her out. But yea, she was a pot head, an alcoholic, and a crazy mofo. I did like her, but after like a month, she went AWOL on me, only to find out a week later that she cheated on me with 2 other guys. So yea, ended well...>.>. My next and longest relationship was with Christine. 9 months. As you read in a previous paragraph, we were AWESOME in the first few months, but things got rocky, and we broke up because we fought too much. Then after her I came out of the closet as bisexual, and met a girl named Sammy. She was really pretty and I seemed to like her, as she liked me. We hit it off pretty well, and went strong for about 2 months. I broke up with her once, because of my feelings for Alan, as this was after I had done things with him. We got back together for maybe another month, and she ended it with me, and after that we stayed steady friends.

After Sammy, I became savvy of guys. I've had 4 boyfriends. Names being Robert, David, Jonathan, and another David. Robert was my first boyfriend. Unfortunately, distance was between us...thousands of miles, as I lived in NY and he lived in England. We met on a site called Facepunch Studios. He was really sweet, and awesome to talk to. We fell in "love" and talked on MSN for MONTHS, but eventually we strayed away from each other, and eventually just stopped talking. Next boyfriend was David. I met him on Myspace. David was a little on the young side...very young side. He told me he was 16, when he was 13. Very bad. But yea, we went on one date, to see Nick and Norahs Infinite Playlist. We made out for half of the movie. After that date, we talked online for a few months, and I found out he was 13, so I broke it off. Next on the list is Jonathan. I met him on Myspace, as well. He was my age and REALLY hot for a black guy. The first month was really awesome, but eventually he became silent and obsessive. He got mad everytime I didn't answer a text message, and when we were together, he NEVER talked, unless it was about sex or whatnot. I broke it off with him once, got back together, and then he ended it with me. C'est La Vie. The next and most recent boyfriend was David. We met on Facebook through some guy I made out with while I was drunk. He called me gorgeous and it was done. I liked him. He was actually one of the BETTER boyfriends I've had. We had a LOT in common. He kissed like a spartan. (If I knew what a spartan kissed like. I'm assuming a spartan would kiss AMAZINGLY.) He had a tongue ring that was ORGASMIC. He talked to me, we spoke on the phone a lot, on AIM, Facebook, and in person. He was awesome. But eventually, things got rocky, and I didn't Facebook him as much as he liked. He got really obsessive. We ironed it out and things became steady again. After like 2 weeks, he says, "I can see myself with you forever." Immediately I broke it off. So now, I'm single and waiting for my Prince Charming. Sooner or later, he'll come sweep me off my feet.

Hmm, so yea. I don't really have much else to say, so I'll go. Work in a few hours, so I'll write some more later. See ya!

Kisses for all!

- Joey