Psychics Are REAL...Sort of...

Hi guys! It's late, but I can't sleep. Mostly because I'm happy as FUCK. But also because I'm slightly freaked out.

First and foremost, I have some good news! For one, I have a valentine. Guess who it is? ALAN! :-DDDD Well it's more of an "amigo" valentine. BUT I don't think he considers it different from a real one, considering he said "No. Choose David." before he says "Sure." Insinuating that he considers a valentine an ACTUAL valentine. I might be reading into it a bit too much, but who's keeping score? I'm not. And then he actually said something I never thought he'd say. I was asking him for advice on something. The word "geeky looser" came in and he was like, "That's sorta like me. Lol." and I said "No. You aren't the geeky nerdy loser-ish type. You are the smart, nerdy in a cute way type. THERE'S A DIFF!" and he said...DRUM ROLL PLEASE! "I <3 you!" Like I said. I MIGHT be reading into it a little too much, but once again, who's keeping score? NOT ME! :-D Anyway, I'm feeling the happiest I've ever been in YEARS! I might finally be going somewhere. FINALLY. Hopefully. Maybe. Pray for me, guys. I've waited 3 years. Haha.

2010 is starting out to be the best year I've ever had. Might even be the best year I've ever had. Which brings me to explain the title of this blog and why I'm slightly freaked out.

As most of you know, I've been to a LOT of psychics. Most of which I thought were a laughing matter. They aren't. One told me that, in 2010, I'd find money, love, and success. Money is true. I found out I'm getting a pretty big tax return. $600 - $800. AND I got a shitload of financial aid money. $3550! Love is slightly true. Read the above paragraph. Alan. And Success might also be true. I'm going back to college soon. Journalism. Yay.

Now why I'm truly freaked out. A few years back, I went to a psychic with Christine during the Fresh Pond Feast. It was back when we were together. Christine's reading was that she'd get mixed up with a guy with a "J" both sexually and otherwise and that she would be stuck in it and would find it hard to get out of. We thought it was either Sheets or Jimmy. It wasn't. Not long ago, she got involved with a guy named James. Things "happened" and now she's conflicted to the teeth with it. She was right. Now for ME. I'll break it down for you.

• She told me I'd get a job offer from a guy with an "M"
• She told me I'd have a love interest with someone with an "A" and it would be successful.

Got it yet? Well the job offer with an "M". I finished doing a play at Queens College that was offered to me by a guy named Mike. She was right. And LOVE INTEREST WITH AN "A"? ALAN!?!? SHE WAS RIGHT. You'd be freaked out, too. I wonder if she's right about it being "successful"? God I hope so. Anyway, I got goosebumps when I found out like...ten minutes ago. Needless to say, I'm completely flabbergasted. I wonder what else will happen next? I have no clue. 2010 hasn't failed me yet, hopefully it won't. Oh I hope it won't.

Short entry. Just had to get that out. Talk to you guys later! :-)

Kisses for all!

- Joey

Speaking Of Which, I'm An Actor...If It Matters...

Hiya. Haven't blogged in like...months. Figured I'd pump something out while I was in the mood. I've got a bunch to write about, so here goes.

Me being an iCarly fan. (No, I'm NOT ashamed. That show is great.) I found Dan Schneider's iCarly blog. It has a bunch of fun things about iCarly, it's cast, and a lot of stuff! I look at it and think, "Wow. It must be so awesome to work in that business." And I truly just hope I get the privilege to work in that field. So many people tell me I'm a GREAT actor, I have what it takes and whatnot. But I constantly have these "episodes", if you will, that cause me to have an emotional breakdown with me thinking, "I'm not gonna get to pursue what I want.". Yea, I HAVE the skills to sing and act, but what are the CHANCES? There are thousands of people that wanna pursue it, but only a handful are actually lucky enough to pursue such a rewarding career. I keep hearing, "You're young. You have time to pursue this." But I mean, time IS wearing thin. So many actors have started at MY age, and a LOT being YOUNGER than me when they started. It's such a connection based business that it's quite impossible. There's the problem with building a base, getting yourself known and noticed, and finally getting into the business using those connections. Part of me is so TERRIFIED to ask someone, "Would you be able to put the good word in for me?" without either looking desperate or stupid. Most likely I'd get a reply of, "Uhh..yea. Sure. I'll see what I can do..." And never hearing a word from them again. You literally have to KNOW and be CLOSE to someone. The only connection I have is my uncle, and he says he'll get me in, but part of me doesn't think he will. Do I have to BEG? If I have this "insurmountable" talent, why is it going unnoticed? Am I not trying hard enough? Do I really have "what it takes"? I don't even know. So many people want to pursue the career simply because they wanna have the shiny cars and mansions they see on MTV Cribs. I want to do this simply because I LOVE DOING IT! Yea, I've done my share of fantasizing about the money I'd have and what I'd do with it, but who hasn't? It's a nice perk and all, but when it comes down to it, I'd work for free if the option were given to me. If I wanted money that bad, I'd go back to my old job as a Home Retention Assistant or file processor at my old law firm job. Acting and singing is a drug to me. It's my way out of the real world. To enter the shoes of another person, fictional or otherwise. My opportunity to be someone I'm not. I know, it sounds sort of masochistic and crazy, but I THRIVE off of it! And THEN there's the entertainment factor. Knowing that what I'm doing is either making people laugh, cry, think, and just REACT makes me feel accomplished and HAPPY. It's usually why I do things for the shock value. To strike a reaction in someone. I love giving people a reason to walk off thinking, "Wow." I try to do everything I can to do it. I write poetry, I sing, I act, I (attempt to) dance. Everything that has anything to do with reaching the public with an artistic and idealistic approach is something I'd do. A simple desk job or hands-on job isn't as appealing to me. If I want to HELP someone, I donate blood or money to a local charity or hospital. So it just makes me wonder...maybe the "drive" isn't enough. If anyone reads this, someone please provide me with the RIGHT way to pursue this, because I seem to be doing it wrong.

Okay. Lately I've been in a complex. A dilemma, if you will. I have been on the topic of Alan (in my head) for quite some time this year. It's only been a month, yea. But I can't seem to shake it, or him, for that matter. I try pulling away, but he just pulls me right back in. Everything he does is awesome in my eyes. I know. I sound crazy. "Ooh. He jumped. Isn't he adorable?" Well lets hope I'm not THAT nuts. Or obsessed...I dread the day someone tells me I'm obsessed. That's like telling me I'm crazy enough to be considered weird and unbearable to be around. I DON'T wanna be obsessed. (I'm terrified, as you can tell.) It's just...I've never met someone like him. He's got these qualities that I just can't find in anyone else. He doesn't piss me off in the least. He makes me laugh. He always has something to talk about. He's interested in EVERYTHING I am. We share SO FUCKING MUCH IN COMMON it's UNNATURAL. Now not saying that because all this is true he's "perfect" for me. These are all qualities that friendships hold as well. But I also see him in that light. Someone I can see myself being happy with. Someone who I know won't be this boring, sex obsessed oaf with nothing to talk about. I'm sure he has his moments where he's "in need of attention", but I know he'd NEVER take advantage of me (Anymore.....), wouldn't do anything I'm not comfortable with, and he'd never ask for too much unless he was certain I was down. We can talk for hours on end about nothing. I find this quality to be very good. There's just so much about him that just makes me want to be with him. He's handsome, smart, generous, caring, sweet, funny and spontaneous. Qualities that I look for in a BOYFRIEND, not just a friend.

I kinda reared away from the original point of the last paragraph, so I'll explain here. As I said, I'm in a dilemma. The qualities listed above and a lot I haven't mentioned are more visible to me now than they ever were before. He's a lot more attractive to me. And I'm trying to convince myself to bring this up and ask him out (Again.). My dilemma is this. I want to ask him, and if I don't, I'll go fucking batshit. But I know he'll say "No." and give me the same song and dance he gave me all the other times I've asked him, which is stopping me. I've been thinking of ways to maybe find out if he is at least REMOTELY interested. (One way in which I will explain later.) But of course, I'm a pussy. And then there's the part of me that just wants to get shit over with. Parts of me that say, "Do this. Either he'll like it and it'll progress, or he'll dislike it and avoid you, making it that much easier to get over him." And more times than none, my "I don't give a shit" attitude always wins. Because I DON'T give a shit. Who cares about what happens? I'll get over it eventually. I did it with Rori. I did it with all my ex boyfriends. I did it with all my jobs. I did it with college. I'm able to defeat that "regret" and "remorse" toward myself and other people when I need to, and it's giving me the strong urge to just reach in and plant one on him. And thoughts like, "He will be EXTREMELY pissed." or "He won't like that ONE BIT!" just don't phase me, because I DON'T CARE! But then THAT makes me look like an asshole, because I DO care about Alan. My rebellious side is suppressed around him and because of him. He keeps me in check, so I don't kill myself...well quicker, anyway. And he cares about ME. From what he's said, I'm the only person that talks to him. ( :'( ) So I'm glad I'm the one person that cares about him. I just want more...Is that so much to ask? Anyway, I've been dealing with this quite some time. I wanna find a way I can TALK about this with him, without him being even REMOTELY awkward with it. I just wanna have one pleasant conversation with him, telling him how much he means to me, how I think he's the most amazing boy in the world, and just try to explain that he can take it as slow as he wants and anything he needs to get done will always come first. But I can't without him feeling uneasy! It sucks. Though I've deducted a few things. For one, if he truly NEEDS to worry about other things, then I'd be willing to wait until he deals with that stuff. So he can't say "I have other things to worry about.". I won't LET us being together ruin our friendship. The ONLY way it would be destroyed is if it were because of him, so he can't say "It'll ruin our friendship.". He cant tell me he's not the datable type, because, honestly, who isn't? Everyone has flaws. His just so happen to make me want to be with him more. And when he says, "I'm not looking." Well that's just simply that. That's on him. But if he WON'T date me, even after all that's said, then it means he's shallow and has a problem with dating me simply because of physical reasons i.e I'm not cute enough or some superficial reason. Either that, or he just doesn't wanna date...I'll never find out, because I'm just too much of a damn pussy to DO anything about it!

"I've been thinking of ways to maybe find out if he is at least REMOTELY interested. (One way in which I will explain later.)"

I shall explain. This is most likely what I WILL do. This is, more or less, the easiest way to get started on talking about anything related to this. A while back, Liza (posing as me) asked him a question.

If we put all the friendship stuff aside, would you consider dating me?

And the response I received was "Hmmm... Maybe." And I'm pretty sure it was a good maybe. A bad maybe would've been, "Ugh...Idk. Maybe." If I know him enough. Anyway, after he answered, I began doing backflips and jumping for joy. All that noise. I was too star struck and happy to continue conversation with him and my sidekick was close to death so I told him, "Look. We'll discuss this later." and he replied with an "Okay. Lol.". I have been thinking...NOW IS the time to discuss it. Now if only I can bring myself to do so...

Okay, off of "fucker". I've done enough ranting about him. New topic...

CHRISTMAS! Christmas was a blast and a half. One of the best I've had. I got everything I wanted, which is as follows:

• iPod Touch 8 Gig
• Rockband 2
• A green Snuggie
• A jogging suit
• Pajamas and tank tops
• A $200 gift card
• LOTS OF CANDY!!

I love all my gifts and junk. And with the $200 gift card I was able to get my friends stuff they liked. I paid for Liza's college application and bought Alan a nice sweater. He liked it. She was happy. So I was happy. Good turnout.

NEW YEARS! Christmas passed by nicely, and New Years was nearing. Just a few days before, a knock at the window. It's MY COUSIN. STEVEN. And his girlfriend! They live in Massachusetts. Apparently, it was an impulse. They just said, "Let's go to NY." and they just showed up @ 3 AM. Haha. Then they kidnapped me and took me back to Mass. We got totally shitfaced for New Years and I called my grandparents drunk off my ass wishing them a Happy New Year. Then I passed out sleeping. Then I stayed there for like...a month. I finally got home and everything was right in the world. So yea. An eventful vacation.

What else to discuss....

Apparently, I've worked enough to file taxes. Not big news, but apparently, I may just get some money back! My father says maybe around $600-$800! MONEY! :-D

Well, I'm gonna log off. I promised Alan I'd watch Alien. I've been so distracted I totally forgot. Haha. Talk to you guys later!

Kisses for all!

- Joey

They Rather The Coal Over The Diamond

Annoyed. REALLY need to vent.

Why are boys so stupid? Really. Why do they prefer the douche bags over the ones that care about you? Here's what happens. Alan logs on at around 1:15 AM. As most of you know, he doesn't go on that late. Here's the conversation we have.

jdharris1990 1:13 am
You are on late.
"Alan" 1:14 am
I know, lol.
Joey, your status message is so poetic.
jdharris1990 1:14 am
I know
"Alan" 1:14 am
Poetic = pathetic
LOL.
:-P
jdharris1990 1:14 am
PShh. You have no romantic bone in your body.
"Alan" 1:14 am
Lol..
jdharris1990 1:15 am
You should take poetry up.
Guys dig it. 8-)
"Alan" 1:16 am
Yeah, whateva.
Lol.
Yay, only 3 days of class next week.
jdharris1990 1:16 am
Cool!
"Alan" 1:16 am
And each final is only two hours long (max.)
Hey, the other day in Psychology class, we learned about psychological disorders.
jdharris1990 1:17 am
Interesting.
"Alan" 1:17 am
One of them is "Antisocial Disorder: when a person shows a lack of conscience for wrongdoing, and shows a disregard for others' feelings."
What does that tell you?
jdharris1990 1:18 am
It tells me that people with it are crazy?
Idk. Lol. What is it supposed to tell me?
"Alan" 1:20 am
That Jake is antisocial.
jdharris1990 1:20 am
Oh.
Okay? Lol.
But that's not a suprise to me.
"Alan" is offline 1:21 am
IMs are delivered when the buddy signs in. Send "Alan" a text message

He logs off. AS SOON as he's done explaining it to me. What. The. Fuck.

For some of you who don't know the back story, Jake treated Alan like shit when they were friends. Alan was a persistent friend, and didn't want to drop him. Because he "cared" about him. Eventually, they finally break ties. Alan drops Jake. Though I heard that Jake dropped Alan, thats not important. Later on, he tells me that he purposely pushed Jake away. Things go along as planned. I don't hear a word about him ever again, until we go visit Cleveland one day. All of a sudden they are the best of pals. And then finally, this conversation happens. Now, as most of you know, there have been rumors about Alan liking Jake. Me and Liza asked him. He denied it.

So now tell me. For someone who apparently doesn't LIKE him, sure seems to care a lot about what he may have. Look at it. What in the WORLD would cause him to even think about what Jake would have? Anti social disorder, as Alan puts it, someone who has lack of conscience for wrongdoing, and shows a disregard for others' feelings. Hmmm. So this means you have to HAVE feelings for someone in order for them to have a disregard for them. Am I right? And if you supposedly "pushed him away intentionally", why you even express any concern as to what "disorders" he has? And in order for you to go on at 1 in the morning just to tell someone about it, obviously means it's bothering you. I dropped Rori. I forgot about Rori. I don't go around looking for explinations as to why I was treated the way I was. I don't give a shit.

Speaking of giving a shit, you seem to give a shit what he does, since you spent the ENTIRE walk to your house from Cleveland addressing everything he was doing to you. I TOLD you what to do! Leave him alone! If you didn't want to sing with him, tell him so! If he's annoying you, get away from him! If you don't like his opinions, don't listen to them! But no, why should what I say account for anything? No. You just told me to mind my own business. Right. Because that REALLY makes sense.

I honestly don't get it. If he does like Jake...I just wanna know why. The kid treated you like utter shit, OBVIOUSLY doesn't care about you as much as you thought, yet you want him over the kid that just wants nothing more than for you to be happy. It's fucking stupid.

Please. Stop telling me about Jake. I don't fucking care. I don't care about Jake, what he says, or what he does. I don't like Jake. I don't care if he has anti social disorders. Whoop de fucking doo. Maybe he'll kill himself and we can get on with our lives.

So, my verdict? He DOES like Jake. He swears he doesn't, but he does. Even the deaf, dumb, blind, and tragically stupid people would realize it. And even though he knows there's no chance, he's going to find SOME reason as to why he doesn't like him back. In this case, he's gonna go and say he has a disorder that makes him oblivious and uncaring for his feelings. This will give him a reason to show sympathy. It annoys me. So, you go ahead. Like the douchebag. Because now I don't give a shit. I plan on talking to him about this. I'll even post the conversation RIGHT here on Blogger.

Notice how I'm finally able to be mad at him? Maybe I am beginning to dislike him. Little by little.

Anyway, I'm going. Bye.

Kisses for all. (Except for Alan. He'd rather Jake's kisses, instead.)

- Joey

It's About Love

Hi guys. Haven't written a blog in who knows how long. I have a LOT to write, mostly on love, hence the title. Well enough dilly dallying. Off to writing.

Okay. So I heard something very disturbing on a website I visit regularly. It was a direct "attack" on the gay community. Needless to say, I was a bit offended, and honestly, even though that person will NEVER see this post, I just want to get it off my back. The person claims that being gay isn't normal. The person claims that being gay is just one big disgusting sexual fantasy, and we only exist because of sexual reasons. He also went into detail about how it was meant for man and woman to wed and have sex because that is the normal way and the sole purpose of sex is for procreation. Well person, you are wrong. VERY wrong. Let's tackle the easier part first. Being gay is one big sexual fantasy. Well, one could say the same about man and woman. I am sexually attracted to men. You are sexually attracted to women. Who's to say you are into women just for the sex? But of course, that would be ignorant of me to think that. Being gay is no different from being straight, except it involves members of the same sex. For instance, take the girl you like. You like her not for her boobs or vagina, but for her personality (I'm assuming.). Same with me. I look for boys with an enriching attitude, a great sense of humor, and a kind manner. What you look for in a woman is what I look for in a man. I like a boy for the way he THINKS, not the way he fucks. Plain and simple. Now as for your procreation theory. You make a convincing point, mystery internet person. But saying that sex is solely for the purpose of procreation is like saying a computer is used solely for internet usage. It's not true. Sex offers so much more than procreation. It offers a way to become closer to your partner. Ways to satisfy your partner. Not to mention it feels amazing. Whether or not it is being used for procreation doesn't matter. Condoms were ORIGINALLY made for the purpose of NOT procreating. The reason why I say originally, is because these days, teenagers engage in sexual activity, and if they must do so, use a condom. But I'm sure that the intention the inventor of the condom wasn't so teenagers could have safe sex. His intention was to prevent a woman getting pregnant if they choose not to have a baby. So procreation is NOT a mandatory thing. People choose when they want a child. If they do want one, then hats off to you. But if they don't want a child at the present time, condoms help PREVENT this. So your procreation theory is wrong my friend. Marriage and relationships are based on love, not modern day morals. I just happened to see myself with a member of the same sex.

That felt good. Haha. So...what else is new?

Christmas is coming up! I cannot wait! I'm not getting a lot for Christmas, but it's not about quantity. This year it's all about quality, which is what I'm getting. Instead of asking for shitloads of things I'll rarely or never use, I asked for a few things that I KNOW I'll use. A snuggie, a jogging suit, and an iPod Touch. Of course I'll use a snuggie, because they are comfortable and ADORABLE! An iPod Touch...well because I have 900 songs stuck in my laptop, and I like music on the go. And a jogging suit. I want to get in shape, so jogging will help. And my iPod Touch will help me through! So yes, Christmas is going to be a blast...well sort of. This year will be different. I have no job or no money. I'm already depressed that I might not even have enough to buy people gifts, and I won't be able to throw a party this year. *Sad face* My Christmas party's are always fun. Oh well. Next year, I suppose. Either way, Merry Christmas everyone!

Okay, so 2 nights ago I had the most terrifying nightmare in the world. Guess who it was about? Alan. It wasn't like any other nightmare I've ever had. And it was so real. Nothing was weird, like nightmares usually are. It was like I was actually awake and nothing weird would happen. Anyway, let me explain what was happening. I was picking Alan up from his house. We weren't together, we never kissed. Nothing I would normally dream about. It was just like a normal day. He came out of his house, he hugged me and we began hanging out. Alan informs me that he's sick with a minor cough. So he's mildly coughing and everything. Nothing big. Then days begin to go by, every day we hang out, every day he gets worse and worse. The coughing grows stronger and more intense. He's beginning to look pale and tired. Finally, we hang out again. He comes out of his house, but he's a wreck. He's tired, EXTREMELY pale, and hacking instead of coughing, doing so every 5 minutes. It's so bad we have to keep stopping so he can cough and breathe. I finally say to him, "Alan. Are you okay?" He says "No. Walk me home." So we begin walking toward his house, but before we make it, he begins the most intense coughing attack I've ever seen, and he winds up collapsing to the ground. I check his breathing, but he's not breathing. I try mouth to mouth resuscitation, but it doesn't work. So I grab his phone and call an ambulance. They take him into the ambulance, and I go in as well. I grab his hand and begin praying he'd be okay. The next thing I see is his mom by the reception desk, I'm sitting in the corner hoping he's alright. Just then a doctor comes in the waiting room, pulls his mom aside and says something...the next thing I see is Alan's mom bursting into tears...at that moment, I wake up crying my eyes out. Took me like 10 minutes to calm myself down. Who HAS these fucking dreams? I've never EVER had a nightmare like that at ALL. It sucks so bad. I was telling Liza about the nightmare, and I couldn't contain myself when I was telling her. I was crying just explaining it to her. It was so bad. She kept telling me, "He's alright, baby boy! He's alright!" and I was all like, "I know." Then she says, "Man. I just fucking WISH he know how much you cared about him." God. I swear. I hope I don't have another dream like that one for a loooong time.

So recently, despite the nightmare I had, I've been feeling happy! Me and Alan are so close to each other, it's awesome. Having him as a friend is fucking amazing. Same with Liza. Liza is quite possibly one of the greatest friends I've ever had. I've finally rid the people I don't need in my life. Those people being Sheets and Jimmy. No need for them, if all they are gonna do is cause drama or blow things out of proportion. Either way, thats over with. My life seems to be getting better. Still single, though. Then again, I'm still doing the stupid thing and still chasing after Alan. Well...more like waiting. For what? I'm not sure. But whatever. I'm no good with other boys, anyway. I usually just dump them after 2 weeks. It's this complex I have. I'm really big on finding the perfect person with everything I look for in a person. So far the only person possessing everything I look for in a boy is Alan. I'll keep looking, but I'm not sure I'll find anyone as amazing and handsome as Alan. *sigh* Gotta keep trying. Or not. Haha.

Working on a novel. This time I'm actually going to FINISH it. It's called Chasing Pavements. It's on my Booksie page. I posted a link to it in a past blog, so find it and read! I'm 9 chapters in! GO INDULGE!

Another interesting piece of news. I'm in a play! It's called Temporary Disaster. It's at Queens College. I'm playing as my literal opposite self. I'm John, the straight guy, class clown douchebag with a new girlfriend every day. Well...the douchebag part is pretty like me, but the straight class clown with a new girlfriend every day is the exact opposite. It goes up December 9th. BE THERE!

Anyway, that'll be all for now. I'll catch you all later!

Kisses for all!

- Joey

Rebellion, Rebellion, REBELLION!!!!

The title doesn't REALLY match everything I will be writing about, but one paragraph may apply....besides, I liked the title a lot.

Rebellion. In the work force, to be exact. I am trying to set up an interview with another job. The law firm Liza works at. Unfortunately...I'm upstate. My job relocated from Manhattan to Mahopac. Yes, I've never heard of it either...at least until I first visited my uncles house. Anyway, I hate my job. Yes, I get paid $12/Hour, but it's not worth it. At least to me. It takes me 2 1/2 hours to get from my house to my job. I cannot deal with that shit. No way!! So I'm gonna ask him to take me to the train....hopefully he will let me. Fat chance, though. Anyway, hopefully I get an interview. Pray for me.

What else to write about....

I'm blogging @ work again. Worst of all, in my uncles office. In plain sight. Maybe he'll fire me! Haha! Either way I shouldn't be doing this, but I do anyway. I'm living on the edge, baby!! Well not really. When I go skydiving, THEN I'd be living on the edge. Until then, I'm just barely pushing buttons. Nothing too big.

I AM on the edge of something, though. At least I think and hope. It might be a false sense of hope, and maybe it's NOT a "breakthrough". I hope it is, but it's probably not. Anyway. You know that feeling? That feeling that you just KNOW that something is getting closer? You KNOW that something big is happening or going to happen? I have that feeling. I've had it for about 3 to 4 months. It just came to me. Like for some reason I'm getting closer? I don't know. I'm NOT going to say, "OH YES! IT'S DEFINITE! HE LIKES ME!" because I'm not delirious OR stupid. I'm not gonna jump to any conclusions. As far as I know, he just considers me a friend until he says otherwise. Doesn't mean I can't speculate. Haha. I just think that I must be doing something right. But I have a few questions. Maybe some sort of psychologist or specialist on human behavior can answer these:

~ If someone repeatedly makes jokes about having sex with you,does this mean he, subconsciously, WANTS to have sex with you?

~ If someone continually makes jokes or references to being in a relationship with you, does he want to be with you?

~ If a person has absolutely no problem pretending to go out with you to other people, what does this mean?

~ If the person KNOWS you like them and they continually flirt with you, what does this mean?

~ Is it true that if someone laughs at every joke you make or if you make them laugh easily without a problem, they show interest?

These questions have plagued me for a while. I really want answers. I probably won't have answers, nor will I ever, but I would be grateful if I got some sort of input.

So I actually had a phone conversation with Alan for like 2 hours last night. I NEVER talk on the phone. I HATE talking on the phone. So does he. I did tell him that he's the only person I can hold a conversation with over the phone and not get bored. He said the same thing. We were just talking about random things. Video games, bugs, stars, the moon, everything. We even shared the cutest and cheesiest moment on the fucking planet. We "looked at the same star together". And I guess we sort of shared a sentimental moment, though it wasn't that big. He was like, "Never pull a Rori on me." Initially saying, never drop me. I thought it was cute, but I digress. Either way, a 2 hour long conversation with him proved to be really nice. He's calling me again tonight to talk (Hopefully.). Maybe this whole talking over phone thing will become a trend. Who knows? I hope so. I like talking to him on the phone. Maybe more "sentimental" moments will occur. Or maybe he'll just talk about Resident Evil 5 some more.

That's another thing. I love Alan, and I'll listen to everything he has to say and provide constructive feedback as well, but sometimes talking about video games can get sort of boring. It's fun at first, but a billion conversations about Resident Evil and 87 trillion YouTube videos on R.E: 5 later, it's kinda...dead to me. Not that it BOTHERS me that he continually talks about the game, but it's just boring sometimes and I wish he'd talk about something else. I don't own the game, so half the time I never know what he's talking about. I just listen and say, "Uh huh." I'll laugh at a joke I don't even understand, and I'll agree and attempt to state a fact about the game that I know nothing about. I've just been getting lucky. I wanna have more enriching conversation with him. But that's like asking a dog to meow. I guess I'll HAVE to listen to the video game "awesomeness". I love him enough to listen to his banter on video games.

Okay let me finish my lunch and get to work. (Mmmm....Chicken Melt w/ fries.)

Kisses for all!

-Joey

Blogging While At Work

Currently on hold with Ocwen bank. This should take a while. Ocwen has horrible wait times. Anyway, nothing else better to do, so I'll write.

I've decided to work for 10 hours everyday this week. That's an extra $150 added to my paycheck! ^_^ And what could I do with $550 dollars? EVERYTHING! :-D But I have a few things to do with my money. So minus taxes, I would get around $480 and change. $200 to my grandparents. Leaving me with $280. $50 to bank. That's $230. Minus $27 for my Metro. $203. For me! I gotta buy a present for my cousin and mail that to her. So...$140? Yea. And THEN. I'm trying to get up the courage to ask Alan if he wants to "do something sometime". Haha. So far, no dough. But I'm trying. And there goes my paycheck. See? Money sucks. From $550 ALL the way down to NOTHING. It's bullshit. But I'm gonna tell my grandparents. Next week, I'm doing this. 10 hours everyday. And I am NOT giving them $100. I want my money. All of it. Next weeks pay. $550 minus taxes...$480. $50 for bank. (I owe a deficit of $398.32. I set up a payment plan.) $27 for Metro. Do the math. $480 minus $50 is $430. That minus $27. $403. ^_^ Can someone say SHOPPING!! So I've got shit under control. I just gotta work my ASS of for it.

So yea, another ALAN paragraph. As if you didn't already expect it. Haha. So yea. I keep blogging about him and whatnot. I probably shouldn't be. Because it makes me look like a freak. But wouldn't YOU want to just tell the world how awesome someone was? Just scream, "I have the most AMAZING boy in my life!" regardless of whether or not they are with you? Besides, writing about him keeps me out of trouble, even though I LOVE trouble. I also want to be more straight forward, like Liza is. With Liza, you KNOW when she does or doesn't like you. She will TELL you and she will speak her mind. I LOVE THAT. So I wanna be more like her. So now, I WILL be a little bit more straight forward, but I won't go too rough. Like yesterday. I was talking to him. And "Gay Mike" came up. Now, as far as he knows, me and Alan are together. Usually I wouldn't care, but the thought came to mind. So, wanting to be more straight forward, I spoke my thought. I said, "I love how we can 'pretend' this stuff, yet it will never happen for reals." All he had to say was, "Uh huh.". And I left it there. I'm gonna make it known. I'm not gonna hide my feelings for him so much, anymore. I AM gonna be subtle, but I'm just gonna be sure it is known.

Okay. So last night, we hung out. At like...12 am. I had a great time, actually. I guess you can say we had a "heart-to-heart". He told me about him, I told him about me. It was nice. We walked around like 3 blocks. I killed a bee. And of course, being me, I felt a connection between us. But I always do. This time, it was...stronger. Like, I felt it FULL FORCE. And I KNOW he had to have felt it, too. He had to have felt it. Because he was acting differently. Not like himself. But oh well, let's see where it goes. It may go somewhere, it may not. Only time will tell. But I don't think anybody actually KNOWS what I feel. People say, "I've been there." but they haven't. I find myself thinking about the kid a LOT. He holds a special part of my heart. He stole it. Haha. But I really do care about him. He's just perfect to me. Flaws and all. Screw him for being so awesome. Screw him with a plunger stick. But oh well. I digress. I guess I kinda don't want to get over him, because honestly, I'll NEVER find someone as awesome as he is. No one out there is like him. I've met people like Liza before. I've met people like Christine and Sheets before. I've never met someone like Alan. Never. I'm beginning to think he was place here purposely in my life path. I mean, LOOK at it! 2 years ago in Italian class, all I did was simply ask, "Dude do you have the homework?" That's it. And everyday since then, he would say "Hi.". I'd say "What's up, Alan?" Give him a pound and get on with life. He'd say "Bye Joey." after class. I'd say "Later dude." Half the time, I didn't even know his NAME. Yet for SOME REASON, he continued to say hi and bye to me, until the semester ended. THEN I find this kid in my CLOVER CLASS? Same class. Same period. That's it. I didn't think anything of it back then. But now. After EVERYTHING that happened. Truth or Dare, Tommy, our escapades in the balcony, Him and Rori, and our best friendship. ALL FROM JUST ASKING FOR THE HOMEWORK. It has to be fate. Has to be. Because I've said hi and bye to HUNDREDS of people. Why HIM? And what's even MORE baffling is the fact that me and him have literally EVERY SINGLE THING in COMMON? I just so happen to ask the person who shares everything in common for the homework? Out of all the people in the class? It's really eye-opening. If that shit isn't fate, explain what the HELL it is, then. So, I don't know.

Now, even THOUGH everything points to one thing. I must say this. Alan is the BEST friend I've ever had. And even though I love him, our friendship will ALWAYS come first. Over anything. So this is one reason why, even though I'll be more straight forward, I'm not gonna badger him. I want his friendship MORE than I want a relationship with him. I love him with all my heart, but I love him like my best friend, too. So, I'm keeping my friendship with him now. If he so happens to want to date me, then okay. But 'till then, he's my best friend. Of course I'll throw him an occasional curve ball, but all in all , I'm still gonna be his friend first. He's WAAY too important to me to lose because I wanted to dig deeper into our friendship. I'll do that WHILE maintaining our friendship. Seems easy enough. I just want to eliminate his whole shpiel of how "I have too much to do. College, home life, blah blah blah." or "I'm not datable.". He says that he'd be clingy, and going by what me and Christine were like, I wouldn't like it. He's forgetting that we at least TRIED it between us. We had a stable friendship. The only reason why we broke up was because things got totally different between us. And he'll probably say, "Well, things will become different between us." Well he doesn't know that unless he tries. But oh well. I can type 'till my fingers fall off about the matter. He'll never see this blog, anyway. So whatever. Haha. Anyway, yea. That's really all on this topic.

Moving news. I'm moving. 2 times. Moving from my house and from my current office. My uncle is out looking for office space as I type this. And my grandparents are looking around for an apartment. Hopefully around where we are now! Otherwise, I get the feeling we'd have to move far...And THAT won't work out at ALL. Liza will hate me. Alan will be crushed(He's told me so.) So yea, I pray to GOD we find a place close to where I am now. Otherwise, I'd get so upset that I'd have to leave friends behind. NO! Pray for me!

Anyway, Ocwen finally picked up. So I'll post some more later. Whoa...Deja VU!

Kisses for all!

- Joey

I've Come To A Realization

Hey all. I'm blogging today because I've finally realized something. Read on.

I'm a fucking jerk. I'm stupid. I really do have "dumbass" tattooed across my forehead. I've been so blinded by love that I didn't even realize what was TRULY going on. Well, today I WAS supposed to chill with Alan today. Note the keyword. WAS!! He told me, "We should make plans. Me and you." I was all like, "Okay!" He said he'd go on AIM early to discuss what we'd do today. But did he? Nope. Of course not. And I know why. Because it's apparent the whole, "Best Friend" bit isn't mutual. It NEVER WAS. It's obvious that I'm just there when it's convenient for him. I've notice a small pattern:

• The ONLY time we ever hang out is when he's going to the supermarket, bakery, or to fill his stupid prepaid credit card. Never to "just hangout".
• Every time we DO hang out, for some reason, it's always when I have money in my pocket. Which just so happens to go into buying him Chinese food or Dunkin' Donuts.
• I buy that fuck everything he asks me for.
• Ever since he dropped Jake (Or when Jake dropped HIM), he all of a sudden got "too lazy" to go on AIM.
• I'm DAMN sure that if Jake were to call him at anytime, he'd drop whatever he's doing JUST to go meet up with him.

Among many other things. But the fuck just logged on. Time for him to realize what he truly is.

Kisses for all!

-Joey