They Rather The Coal Over The Diamond

Annoyed. REALLY need to vent.

Why are boys so stupid? Really. Why do they prefer the douche bags over the ones that care about you? Here's what happens. Alan logs on at around 1:15 AM. As most of you know, he doesn't go on that late. Here's the conversation we have.

jdharris1990 1:13 am
You are on late.
"Alan" 1:14 am
I know, lol.
Joey, your status message is so poetic.
jdharris1990 1:14 am
I know
"Alan" 1:14 am
Poetic = pathetic
LOL.
:-P
jdharris1990 1:14 am
PShh. You have no romantic bone in your body.
"Alan" 1:14 am
Lol..
jdharris1990 1:15 am
You should take poetry up.
Guys dig it. 8-)
"Alan" 1:16 am
Yeah, whateva.
Lol.
Yay, only 3 days of class next week.
jdharris1990 1:16 am
Cool!
"Alan" 1:16 am
And each final is only two hours long (max.)
Hey, the other day in Psychology class, we learned about psychological disorders.
jdharris1990 1:17 am
Interesting.
"Alan" 1:17 am
One of them is "Antisocial Disorder: when a person shows a lack of conscience for wrongdoing, and shows a disregard for others' feelings."
What does that tell you?
jdharris1990 1:18 am
It tells me that people with it are crazy?
Idk. Lol. What is it supposed to tell me?
"Alan" 1:20 am
That Jake is antisocial.
jdharris1990 1:20 am
Oh.
Okay? Lol.
But that's not a suprise to me.
"Alan" is offline 1:21 am
IMs are delivered when the buddy signs in. Send "Alan" a text message

He logs off. AS SOON as he's done explaining it to me. What. The. Fuck.

For some of you who don't know the back story, Jake treated Alan like shit when they were friends. Alan was a persistent friend, and didn't want to drop him. Because he "cared" about him. Eventually, they finally break ties. Alan drops Jake. Though I heard that Jake dropped Alan, thats not important. Later on, he tells me that he purposely pushed Jake away. Things go along as planned. I don't hear a word about him ever again, until we go visit Cleveland one day. All of a sudden they are the best of pals. And then finally, this conversation happens. Now, as most of you know, there have been rumors about Alan liking Jake. Me and Liza asked him. He denied it.

So now tell me. For someone who apparently doesn't LIKE him, sure seems to care a lot about what he may have. Look at it. What in the WORLD would cause him to even think about what Jake would have? Anti social disorder, as Alan puts it, someone who has lack of conscience for wrongdoing, and shows a disregard for others' feelings. Hmmm. So this means you have to HAVE feelings for someone in order for them to have a disregard for them. Am I right? And if you supposedly "pushed him away intentionally", why you even express any concern as to what "disorders" he has? And in order for you to go on at 1 in the morning just to tell someone about it, obviously means it's bothering you. I dropped Rori. I forgot about Rori. I don't go around looking for explinations as to why I was treated the way I was. I don't give a shit.

Speaking of giving a shit, you seem to give a shit what he does, since you spent the ENTIRE walk to your house from Cleveland addressing everything he was doing to you. I TOLD you what to do! Leave him alone! If you didn't want to sing with him, tell him so! If he's annoying you, get away from him! If you don't like his opinions, don't listen to them! But no, why should what I say account for anything? No. You just told me to mind my own business. Right. Because that REALLY makes sense.

I honestly don't get it. If he does like Jake...I just wanna know why. The kid treated you like utter shit, OBVIOUSLY doesn't care about you as much as you thought, yet you want him over the kid that just wants nothing more than for you to be happy. It's fucking stupid.

Please. Stop telling me about Jake. I don't fucking care. I don't care about Jake, what he says, or what he does. I don't like Jake. I don't care if he has anti social disorders. Whoop de fucking doo. Maybe he'll kill himself and we can get on with our lives.

So, my verdict? He DOES like Jake. He swears he doesn't, but he does. Even the deaf, dumb, blind, and tragically stupid people would realize it. And even though he knows there's no chance, he's going to find SOME reason as to why he doesn't like him back. In this case, he's gonna go and say he has a disorder that makes him oblivious and uncaring for his feelings. This will give him a reason to show sympathy. It annoys me. So, you go ahead. Like the douchebag. Because now I don't give a shit. I plan on talking to him about this. I'll even post the conversation RIGHT here on Blogger.

Notice how I'm finally able to be mad at him? Maybe I am beginning to dislike him. Little by little.

Anyway, I'm going. Bye.

Kisses for all. (Except for Alan. He'd rather Jake's kisses, instead.)

- Joey

It's About Love

Hi guys. Haven't written a blog in who knows how long. I have a LOT to write, mostly on love, hence the title. Well enough dilly dallying. Off to writing.

Okay. So I heard something very disturbing on a website I visit regularly. It was a direct "attack" on the gay community. Needless to say, I was a bit offended, and honestly, even though that person will NEVER see this post, I just want to get it off my back. The person claims that being gay isn't normal. The person claims that being gay is just one big disgusting sexual fantasy, and we only exist because of sexual reasons. He also went into detail about how it was meant for man and woman to wed and have sex because that is the normal way and the sole purpose of sex is for procreation. Well person, you are wrong. VERY wrong. Let's tackle the easier part first. Being gay is one big sexual fantasy. Well, one could say the same about man and woman. I am sexually attracted to men. You are sexually attracted to women. Who's to say you are into women just for the sex? But of course, that would be ignorant of me to think that. Being gay is no different from being straight, except it involves members of the same sex. For instance, take the girl you like. You like her not for her boobs or vagina, but for her personality (I'm assuming.). Same with me. I look for boys with an enriching attitude, a great sense of humor, and a kind manner. What you look for in a woman is what I look for in a man. I like a boy for the way he THINKS, not the way he fucks. Plain and simple. Now as for your procreation theory. You make a convincing point, mystery internet person. But saying that sex is solely for the purpose of procreation is like saying a computer is used solely for internet usage. It's not true. Sex offers so much more than procreation. It offers a way to become closer to your partner. Ways to satisfy your partner. Not to mention it feels amazing. Whether or not it is being used for procreation doesn't matter. Condoms were ORIGINALLY made for the purpose of NOT procreating. The reason why I say originally, is because these days, teenagers engage in sexual activity, and if they must do so, use a condom. But I'm sure that the intention the inventor of the condom wasn't so teenagers could have safe sex. His intention was to prevent a woman getting pregnant if they choose not to have a baby. So procreation is NOT a mandatory thing. People choose when they want a child. If they do want one, then hats off to you. But if they don't want a child at the present time, condoms help PREVENT this. So your procreation theory is wrong my friend. Marriage and relationships are based on love, not modern day morals. I just happened to see myself with a member of the same sex.

That felt good. Haha. So...what else is new?

Christmas is coming up! I cannot wait! I'm not getting a lot for Christmas, but it's not about quantity. This year it's all about quality, which is what I'm getting. Instead of asking for shitloads of things I'll rarely or never use, I asked for a few things that I KNOW I'll use. A snuggie, a jogging suit, and an iPod Touch. Of course I'll use a snuggie, because they are comfortable and ADORABLE! An iPod Touch...well because I have 900 songs stuck in my laptop, and I like music on the go. And a jogging suit. I want to get in shape, so jogging will help. And my iPod Touch will help me through! So yes, Christmas is going to be a blast...well sort of. This year will be different. I have no job or no money. I'm already depressed that I might not even have enough to buy people gifts, and I won't be able to throw a party this year. *Sad face* My Christmas party's are always fun. Oh well. Next year, I suppose. Either way, Merry Christmas everyone!

Okay, so 2 nights ago I had the most terrifying nightmare in the world. Guess who it was about? Alan. It wasn't like any other nightmare I've ever had. And it was so real. Nothing was weird, like nightmares usually are. It was like I was actually awake and nothing weird would happen. Anyway, let me explain what was happening. I was picking Alan up from his house. We weren't together, we never kissed. Nothing I would normally dream about. It was just like a normal day. He came out of his house, he hugged me and we began hanging out. Alan informs me that he's sick with a minor cough. So he's mildly coughing and everything. Nothing big. Then days begin to go by, every day we hang out, every day he gets worse and worse. The coughing grows stronger and more intense. He's beginning to look pale and tired. Finally, we hang out again. He comes out of his house, but he's a wreck. He's tired, EXTREMELY pale, and hacking instead of coughing, doing so every 5 minutes. It's so bad we have to keep stopping so he can cough and breathe. I finally say to him, "Alan. Are you okay?" He says "No. Walk me home." So we begin walking toward his house, but before we make it, he begins the most intense coughing attack I've ever seen, and he winds up collapsing to the ground. I check his breathing, but he's not breathing. I try mouth to mouth resuscitation, but it doesn't work. So I grab his phone and call an ambulance. They take him into the ambulance, and I go in as well. I grab his hand and begin praying he'd be okay. The next thing I see is his mom by the reception desk, I'm sitting in the corner hoping he's alright. Just then a doctor comes in the waiting room, pulls his mom aside and says something...the next thing I see is Alan's mom bursting into tears...at that moment, I wake up crying my eyes out. Took me like 10 minutes to calm myself down. Who HAS these fucking dreams? I've never EVER had a nightmare like that at ALL. It sucks so bad. I was telling Liza about the nightmare, and I couldn't contain myself when I was telling her. I was crying just explaining it to her. It was so bad. She kept telling me, "He's alright, baby boy! He's alright!" and I was all like, "I know." Then she says, "Man. I just fucking WISH he know how much you cared about him." God. I swear. I hope I don't have another dream like that one for a loooong time.

So recently, despite the nightmare I had, I've been feeling happy! Me and Alan are so close to each other, it's awesome. Having him as a friend is fucking amazing. Same with Liza. Liza is quite possibly one of the greatest friends I've ever had. I've finally rid the people I don't need in my life. Those people being Sheets and Jimmy. No need for them, if all they are gonna do is cause drama or blow things out of proportion. Either way, thats over with. My life seems to be getting better. Still single, though. Then again, I'm still doing the stupid thing and still chasing after Alan. Well...more like waiting. For what? I'm not sure. But whatever. I'm no good with other boys, anyway. I usually just dump them after 2 weeks. It's this complex I have. I'm really big on finding the perfect person with everything I look for in a person. So far the only person possessing everything I look for in a boy is Alan. I'll keep looking, but I'm not sure I'll find anyone as amazing and handsome as Alan. *sigh* Gotta keep trying. Or not. Haha.

Working on a novel. This time I'm actually going to FINISH it. It's called Chasing Pavements. It's on my Booksie page. I posted a link to it in a past blog, so find it and read! I'm 9 chapters in! GO INDULGE!

Another interesting piece of news. I'm in a play! It's called Temporary Disaster. It's at Queens College. I'm playing as my literal opposite self. I'm John, the straight guy, class clown douchebag with a new girlfriend every day. Well...the douchebag part is pretty like me, but the straight class clown with a new girlfriend every day is the exact opposite. It goes up December 9th. BE THERE!

Anyway, that'll be all for now. I'll catch you all later!

Kisses for all!

- Joey